I woke up my dating profile. I added pics and changed stuff and posted it greatly anew. It had been about 2 years since I’d edited it and it seemed like time. I promptly met a cute guy. Yay. We talked. Double yay. He messaged ME, and we chatted online in the little OKC chat thing and decided we should talk again and maybe meet and exchanged text numbers. Happy littlte jig. He texted me the next day and asked me to meet him and we chatted via text a bit more. Cool. We set up a day and I didn’t hear anything until a day or two before the meeting saying he needed to reschedule because he’d forgotten about a friend visiting and plans he had to spend time with them. That’s fine. It happens.
I texted him a day or two later. Nothing.
About 4 or 5 days later he texts that he might be free on next Tuesday but he won’t know until last minute, but next Thursday looks even better. I reply that next Thursday could be good, and let’s chat and make plans before then.
Thursday (today) he pops and says “Hey. LIfe’s been a busy thing, but I’m open for this evening. How about you?”
I say “Oh sorry. I didn’t hear back and made other plans. We seem to be missing each other communication-wise”. I add in a following message “I’m interested if you’d like to talk a bit and reschedule. Obviously if our schedules just don’t align to talk much, that likely wouldn’t work. But we could give it a shot in the next week and see if it was just a fluke.”
He responds that he didn’t think I would expect to hear back from him. He says he saw that I said I’d be interested in talking before meeting but he didn’t think that was the expectation. And he adds that he is a busy grad student and he gets home late and crashes out only to wake up and do it again, without time for texting and chatting. He says this is why he doesn’t want a complicated long-term relationship right now and he can’t have people demanding more than he can reasonably give. “So no offense intended by not chatting with you since Monday night (it’s a weed later Thursday), but if not chatting for a few little days at a time would be a problem I’d likely disappoint”.
Well. Yep. People that are too busy to even confirm a plan for a week and a half are too busy for me to date. I thanked him for being frank and wished him well in his studies and dating, and said that this is just not a good fit.
I have to admit I am mildly disappointed because he was deeply cute and we’d had that nice conversation at first, but it just wouldn’t work for me to date someone that can’t return a text for over a week. That tweeks me. I’m sure there are loads of people who would care less.. but to me.. if I am going to date someone there has to be at a minimum some kind of interest. I mean, I didn’t even know if he’d gotten my message saying maybe we could shoot for Thursday. He didn’t acknowledge if that worked for him or not, much less anything else. We are all allowed our wants and needs and it’s good if we can express them.
But I gotta say.. generally speaking the first few weeks of an association are often where we are the MOST accessible. We are all interested in the shiny new thing and we’ll miss sleep and eagerly check messages and stuff. I just find it a bad sign for me personally if a person is unable or unwilling to express much of an interest. I’m not sure where the line is or even should be.. if there was such a thing as where a line should be. I don’t need daily contact, but 10 days to respond to a text seems excessive. You need to be able to make a plan. Who realy has THAT little available time? I mean he never waits in a line? Eats a meal? Takes a break? Poops? He never has time to send a text yes or no? How on Earth could such a person have time to date? How would you even have time to have semi decent sex if you are so booked you can’t squeeze in a “sounds good.. I’ll talk to you closer to Thursday” message?
Good sex even takes time. If we were perfectly aligned and decided after one conversation to meet and have really quick sex on our first meeting, we’d still have to say where and when. It’s still a good idea to have the tiniest conversation about pregnancy and STI plans and precautions and maybe exchange at least one or two interests in what we’d like to do sexually. Hell.. with a play partner I would meet strictly to say.. be flogged and have sex, we’d have to exchange SOME information.
I almost never get this kinda thing, thankfully, but I find the “I’m too busy to ever talk” thing super puzzling. Why on Earth are you wasting your time on online-dating sites, sending messages to and chatting with women when you are too busy to send a text? A text takes what, 20 seconds? To have a half-way decent text conversation it takes maybe minutes a day, all added up. My honest feeling about this.. rightly or wrongly, is that he’s a) not that interested b) keeping me as a back up plan or something, or c) gosh, I just don’t know.
People are crazy.