NSPP- Nerdy Seattle Poly Posse

10838343-steampunk-star-wars-fans-at-sci-fi-conventionFirst.. I am not a representative for or spokesperson of any kind for NSPP.  I am posting this as a service because I get oodles of emails from people looking for the elusive NSPP. 

NSPP is a Facebook group of approximately 700 people as of this writing.  It is based in Seattle and is primarily a social/activity group.  They host oodles of events and members can post events too if they would like.  And there is a LOT of misinformation out there, judging from my emails.  I  have to admit I had some bad conceptions too, and I’m a member and have been to events.  So I wanted to post this.. just as myself, to help readers.  I am in no way official for NSPP.  Everything in my blog is my opinion.  And here is mine about NSPP.

First, how do people get in or find it?

From their facebook page info:

Inviting new members

To become a member of the NSPP, you must be at least 18 and no longer enrolled in high school.

If an individual wants to join, they need to be sponsored by a current member and must attend an event. Exceptions to the event requirement can be made for partners or long time friends as needed. Membership is limited to those that identify as poly, poly-curious, or are dating someone who is poly. Those who do not meet the criteria may still apply for membership and be considered on a case-by-case basis.

The next question is understandably usually, “What if I don’t know anyone in the NSPP?”.  Well.  That happens. You can’t find their events to attend one unless you are a member or know a member.  But there is a method to their madness.

Having membership work this way means that to be a member you have to actually come to something and to know what to come to you have to be invited and this means you are in the poly community or connected.  If you are not yet connected or don’t know anyone, you can start by meeting more poly people either by attending poly socials or events at the Center for Sex Positivity in Seattle, or by attending either the Seattle Polyamory Meet-up Group, or the Seattle Poly Professionals Meetup Group or any other poly groups you find online.  There are actually lots.  You can find the meetups by going to meetup.com.  When you make some poly friends and connections you are likely to run across an NSPP member because the community isn’t THAT big and with 700 members, Nispees sure do get around.  😉

Second, what about these things I heard about NSPP?

Well. I too made assumptions that I shouldn’t have made.  I became a Nispee and went to a couple of things.  I chose the smaller things because I’m not really a ballgown-and-crowd kinda gal.  I got my fill of that kinda shit before I was even a Navy wife.  I am just not interested in costume-balls and galas.  I met a few people off of the Facebook feed.  It turns out that I interacted with maybe a small little group within the NSPP larger group that didn’t necessarily represent the whole.  One of the gentleman I met for a friendly coffee made it clear he’d like to have unprotected sex with me.  He said he could “just tell” that I was safe because “I’m a really good judge of character” and “besides, you’re a Nispee now, so I know you’re okay”.  Um.  This is so not how safer-sex works.  I was not interested in him and argued my point about not using “gut feelings” to determine who had STI’s. During his argument though he insisted that one of the things he liked about NSPP and their sexy events was that they could be freer about such things.  I’m not stupid.  I chalked that up to a dude trying to make a case for whatever it was he wanted and using the “but everyone is doing it” offense.  Yeah.  I’m not 13.  Move along.

But, it happened again.  I met a guy on OKC that was a fellow NSPP and he made it clear that he also hoped to have unprotected sex that night.  He explained that he knew it was safe because I was in NSPP and “in our circle everyone is tested and everyone is poly, so it’s safer.  When we have sexy parties and stuff, or if you hook up with someone from NSPP you don’t have to worry about stuff like barriers, and you can just be a lot freer because it’s totally cool that we all sleep together, you know?”  Nobody had submitted ME to any testing, and I’d signed no behavior contract or been vetted by any process to guarantee that I was free of any STI’s, so this was really an odd stance.  But it skived me out that their views of the NSPP were so similar.  They were both really active members, much more active than me.  I hate to admit it, but based on this scant evidence I’d sorta formed the opinion that NSPP sexy type events weren’t for me and that I didn’t really want to be too involved with NSPP stuff.

Yes, yes.. I know this is not the greatest reasoning.  Deciding that 200 and some members (at the time) did certain things because two horny guys said that did wasn’t exactly applying very scientific analysis.  I recently met and befriended a few other NSPP members and realized I had maybe made a not wholly accurate judgement based on rather slim “facts”.  I’ve talked to more friends who are members about my thoughts and realized they were pretty off.  My friends’ experiences at NSPP sexy parties was that consent and safer sex and such things ARE generally really respected.  They were aghast at my stories and my opinion.  Whoops.

I have to admit most of what I’ve heard about NSPP people and events has been really positive, and the friends I know who are members are all pretty stand-up people.  I’d made a hasty judgement call based on a really small sample.  Whoops.  Some nerd I am.

So, if you’re poly or dating a poly person or whatever, and you are in the Seattle area, maybe find some poly community and attend a thing or two and make your own judgement.  I think I might hit a few more events too.  🙂

7 Comments

  1. Nope. I’m not here for them. There are significant issues with the way that this group is run. There is a lack of oversight, a lack of concern for safety, and no instruction on consent. I think that I’ll leave it at that. The fact that there are individuals in the group that I respect and trust who (so far) haven’t had any issues doesn’t mean that there aren’t issues in the group, because I know people who have had major issues with them. I’m trying to be really careful in what I say here, but buyer beware on this group!

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  2. I’ve found the best way to approach the NSPP is to just go to the events you want and read the posts on Facebook if you want something weird to read in your spare time. Avoid the drama at all costs. They’ve had some organization issues, but the split into little subgroups has mellowed things out a bit IMO.

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  3. I am really glad you’ve called a couple of bad actors out! Thank you! WTF to even trying to go unprotected on the first meeting!? I’m with you on being more skeeved out now, too.

    These two, their rationale is flawed, of course. There have been many STI discussion threads where people openly talk about their STI status, and it’s certainly not what these fellows are presenting/assuming – nor could it be in a population so large.

    I can also say that many are well-informed about their status and careful with their sexual health, and (even better) are entirely open to if not downright requiring discussion beforehand – this is a requirement for me (and I recommend it for everyone!). Definitely above the average general populace on this.

    As always, you’re saferest (yes, I did that on purpose) with people you trust using precautions you trust.

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    • There is a class on sti’s coming up. A VERY knowledgable friend is offering it and it sounds really good. I agree that typically ethically non-monogampus folks are a bit more into testing and precautions and doscussions of status, which is nice. I do agree with the first commenter though that some problems around oversight and education and consent exist with certain parties, and i wish it was done better. I dong have a lot of room to bitch though because any member can host an event and I could pony up and host what i thought was a better run sexy party… But i dont. I chose what ill attend and others do too. Having said that though, it would be good if we as a community decided on some measuresto make things safer and better. Hiding behind the fact that we’re just a social club and every one is free and such IS kinda BS if we know people have been harmed by a lack of safety protocols at our events. If we wanted to we could agree to ask for certain measures at sexy parties.

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  4. so…, I have heard the same mixed bag of stuff about NSPP. I am a member at CSPC, but can barely can make it to events, (busy introverted single dad = social life of a hermit on a deserted island), and investigating more poly social options like NSPP.

    As I am a big boy and familiar with ways to be cautious in groups of people whose status’s and motivations I am unaware of, I feel confident in my ability to avoid trouble. My curiosity about this group and, I suspect, some of its subgroups, is therefore unabated.

    You have in the past advised people to seek out other local poly groups, and I do, with varying success. My fathery obligations don’t help. Aside from going to other local events like the Poly Social at CSPC, (which I have completely failed to make it to for the last six months that I have been a member, despite the fact that it was the sole reason for my joining) or the Seattle Polyamory Monthly Meetup Group and such, what else could I be doing to get out in to the community and “bump into” a NSPP member?

    Also, for Seattle being a “mecca” for the poly community, I am constantly unpleasantly surprised by the agonizingly low numbers I find every where I look. It’s hard to motivate myself to go to a meeting I know that only three other people are going to be at.

    Is NSPP like the best kept secret of this vaunted legendary poly “mecca”? And does the “Seattle Freeze” extend into the poly community here as well? (Yes, I’m a transplant, been here since 94, and the Seattle Freeze is very real, never been to any place on this planet less friendly. Been around the planet twice. Literally.)

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    • Hey there. Thank you for reading and commenting. I can only imagine the scheduling difficulty of a single dad! So, yes, Seattle is riddled with poly people. I think the NSPP is approaching 800 members and there are two very active poly meetup.com groups. The Seattle Poly meetup has a few events this month and The Seattle Poly Professional meetup has 6 events in September and 5 events in October. The CSPC has two poly events a month that I know about.. the Friday social and the Sunday potluck discussion group. (I’m less sure if Sunday is happening). People can attend any of these and make friends. Sometimes people meet dating prospects here, but I’ve had better luck making friends. One can also find many people to date that are poly on okc. Keyword searches like poly, open, non-monogamous, NSPP, Nispee, and such are helpful. It’s harder for men online to make dates, but it does happen all the time. Having a profile with info and pics also helps.

      If you can’t make any of these meetups or socials, I wonder if being in the NSPP would offer anything anyway though. It’s a social group where people can attend events. They have s lot of subgroups with even more events and discussion too, but still, if none of those can be attended I doubt belonging would offer much.

      I agree Seattle is a tough place socially. It takes a lot of effort to find and make friends here. I find that I have to make most of the effort to hang with people and it’s just harder to find friends. I think the poly events are a little the same but slightly easier. I’d love to have more friends to catch a beer or a movie with, and it’d be cool to have more poly friends, but it’s a little hard to find that too, especially is they are men who are really looking for dates.

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