Freedom

*** to avoid serious vague-blogging drama queen stuff… I am completely and utterly okay.  This is an observation of a moment and a snippet of a broader feeling.  It’s just a way to get it out.  I repeat… I am okay.  It’s just expressing a thing.***

All we have to see

Is that I don’t belong to you

And you don’t belong to me, yeah yeah

Freedom, freedom, freedom

You’ve gotta give for what you take

Nobody owes me a thing.  I don’t have to consider anyone in any major decision I make and nobody has to ask my permission or input on anything either.  I can move or quit my job and I need nobody’s input.  I could get a huge tattoo on my face.  I could spend all of my money on Pez candy.  Nobody expects or needs anything from me.  I can date anyone I want.  I can live anywhere I want.  I can eat anything I want.  I could do drugs all day long and it’s nobody’s business but mine. I don’t have to plan around anyone or consult anyone or make sure I account for anyone in anything.  Nobody who made a 10-year plan would list me in it and I don’t have to list anyone in mine either.  Nobody talks about where WE will live someday or what WE will do someday or the places WE will go someday.

My parents are gone.  I have no children.  I have no dependents, no spouses and no blood.  I have a distant brother in Phoenix, and Traveler and Quinky are my family, but they don’t owe me anything either.  I have no right to expect anything or demand anything or need anything.  I’m lucky that so often I’ve found support and love here.  But the people I love are totally and completely free and have no obligation whatsoever to me.  I am not part of any unit.

A tiny house on a little island from jotable.com

A tiny house on a little island from jotable.com

I love and I’m loved.  But nobody needs my input on decisions large or small.  Nobody is making any plans with me in them.  I’m not saying nobody is kind or nobody includes me.  I’m lucky that they do.  But nobody is mine and I’m nobody’s either.  I’m free.  And everyone who loves me is free too.

There are a lot of people who love this feeling.  Relationship anarchists and solo poly people (by and large) love it.  It’s a cornerstone of how they live their lives.  And it’s a perfectly valid choice.  For them.  And there are little things about it that I love.  But it kills me.  I hate it.  It cuts me right to my fucking quick sometimes.  I’ll have some feeling or some reaction and realize I have no right at all to feel that or want that or think that or need anything.  I have no right.  Nobody on this Earth made me any promises.  Nobody owes me a single thing.  Nobody is mine and I’m nobody’s either.  Nobody has to inform me and nobody has to include me.  They do include me sometimes or inform me sometimes, but I don’t have a right to expect they will.

Don’t get me wrong. I mean, a Husband can choose to inform or not inform his wife and suffer whatever consequences that incurs, but Husbands are expected in general to have certain responsibilities and certain requirements.  Anyone hearing a story about a Husband who never calls his wife or tells her where he is going or what he is doing or never includes her in choices about his career or his housing or his whatever would expect a pretty short-lived marriage.  Relationships differ and so do the people in them. People can choose to honor general expectations or not.  I mean, for that matter, most wives would say that a wife should expect her husband wouldn’t fuck other people and yet I know many husbands who have beautiful sex lives with their girlfriends and their wives are totally happy about it.  In some situations we can expect things, but I see that this doesn’tmean we always get them.  I’m just saying we’re allowed to expect and to want things sometimes, in certain relationships.

But I know my situation.  I have no commitments.  I have no promises and no rights to expect a single thing and nobody is expecting anything of me.  There is a cost associated with these expectations, and I don’t have that either.  Nobody demands I visit their family or attend their boring work thing or sit through anyone’s bar mitzva. I don’t have to buy 40 presents for any holidays or ask anyone if I can take that big promotion or go back to school. Nobody weighs in on how I spend my money or my time.  Nobody expects I will be anywhere for any holiday or any event.  Nobody is making any plans at all for me.  Nobody demands I do or not do a single thing.  Nobody is asking me for anything, and they aren’t expecting anything either.

That’s a stunning array of freedom, and frankly, the loneliest thing I know.

I don’t belong to you and you don’t belong to me.

I won’t let you down
I will not give you up
Gotta have some faith in the sound
It’s the one good thing that I’ve got
I won’t let you down
So please don’t give me up
Because I would really, really love to stick around, oh yeah

Heaven knows I was just a young boy
Didn’t know what I wanted to be
I was every little hungry schoolgirl’s pride and joy
And I guess it was enough for me
To win the race? A prettier face!
Brand new clothes and a big fat place
On your rock and roll TV
But today the way I play the game is not the same
No way
Think I’m gonna get me some happy

I think there’s something you should know
I think it’s time I told you so
There’s something deep inside of me
There’s someone else I’ve got to be
Take back your picture in a frame
Take back your singing in the rain
I just hope you understand
Sometimes the clothes do not make the man

All we have to do now
Is take these lies and make them true somehow
All we have to see
Is that I don’t belong to you
And you don’t belong to me, yeah yeah

Freedom, freedom, freedom
You’ve gotta give for what you take
Freedom, freedom, freedom
You’ve gotta give for what you take

Heaven knows we sure had some fun boy
What a kick just a buddy and me
We had every big shot good-time band on the run boy
We were living in a fantasy
We won the race
Got out of the place
I went back home got a brand new face
For the boys at MTV
But today the way I play the game has got to change
Oh yeah
Now I’m gonna get myself happy

I think there’s something you should know
I think it’s time I stopped the show
There’s something deep inside of me
There’s someone I forgot to be
Take back your picture in a frame
Don’t think that I’ll be back again
I just hope you understand
Sometimes the clothes do not make the man

All we have to do now
Is take these lies and make them true somehow
All we have to see
Is that I don’t belong to you
And you don’t belong to me, yeah yeah

Freedom, freedom, freedom
You’ve gotta give for what you take
Freedom, freedom, freedom
You’ve gotta give for what you take

Well it looks like the road to heaven
But it feels like the road to hell
When I knew which side my bread was buttered
I took the knife as well
Posing for another picture
Everybody’s got to sell
But when you shake your ass
They notice fast
And some mistakes were built to last

That’s what you get
I say that’s what you get
That’s what you get for changing your mind
And after all this time
I just hope you understand
Sometimes the clothes
Do not make the man

All we have to do now
Is take these lies and make them true somehow
All we have to see
Is that I don’t belong to you
And you don’t belong to me, yeah yeah

Freedom, freedom, freedom
You’ve gotta give for what you take
Freedom, freedom, freedom
You’ve gotta give for what you take

Yeah you’ve gotta do what you do, what you do
May not be what you want from me
Just the way it’s got to be
Lose the face now
I’ve got to live, got to live, got to live

Lyrics taken from metrolyrics.com.

3 Comments

  1. ‘Belonging’ is all too often associated with ‘ownership’, which saddens me. It is intrinsic to our Humanity to want to feel we belong. And it’s beautiful to have that sense of rightness, of unity. It has nothing whatsoever to do with exerting control over another person or feeling the “right” to own them or pilot their life; it is about *sharing* in the growth process *with* another person/people and traveling our life roads together. Intentionally. That kind of belonging is a precious, wondrous thing.

    What you’re talking about in this post… the freedom and the loneliness that comes with that freedom… is something that all too often gets shoved under rugs in poly conversations. I applaud you for putting it out there.

    Keepin’ it real, yo.

    {And your little house island pucture totally made me think of “no man is an island.” Nomanisan. So now I have The Incredibles theme song playing in my head. 😉 }

    Like

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