I don't want to go home

Traveler and I are on our last night of vacation and I’m dreading going home.  It’s back to normal life, which is good, but it’s not as good as vacation life.  We’ve had 3 days together.  It’s so amazing to have all this time in a row, breakfasts and chats and laughs and fun.  He’s traveling a lot for work in the next two months and that will be challenging for all of us.  I missed him on his last trip and the few days he was home before we took off and I’ll miss him next week.  Basically, when I’m not with people I love, I miss them.

A pin up girl poses with her ski poles and boots and a jaunty fuzzy hat

A pin up girl poses with her ski poles and boots and a jaunty fuzzy hat

I like missing people a little, and find it bittersweet.  But I’m not a fan of the super long and terrible missing I did sometimes as a Navy wife, and I don’t think Traveler being gone more weeks than he is home is gonna be good.

So for now I’m soaking up the time and the snuggles and the kisses and talks and sex.  I forgot how good vacation sex is.  It’s so nice to wake up whenever and to get randy soaking in the hot tub or putting lotion on our dry skin and sore muscles from skiing.  I love getting frisky in the kitchen and making the dinner wait.  I love languid loving after a well deserved nap.  I love thinking we’re too sore and tired and finding that we are not.  I don’t understand how it’s getting better, the chemistry with us, but it is and I’m not gonna examine it too hard.  It’s a blessing.  We have our rhythms and our routines and I love that.  I love being with someone long enough that you can push each other’s buttons so well, and I love breaking those routines too.

I love the time that isn’t strictly datey.  I’m always a fan of it, working in the yard and running errands and living a bit of our lives together. And here I love the grocery shopping we did to cook in our vacation rental.  I loved the driving and the long stretch of road from Boise to Sun Valley Idaho.  I love asking each other to fetch a roll of toilet paper and playing bananagrams at 11pm.  I love cooking together and cleaning the kitchen together, laughing about everything and nothing.  I love canceling our fancy dinner reservations to eat pizza in our pajamas together.  I love petting his belly while he plays his internet game and falling asleep while he’s showing me a replay of his battle.  I love the time.. sweet precious limited wonderful time.  I even loved a brief tiff about the contents of a writing we did together.

Something precious in poly is this time and space to do what couples do.  We get that, but a few whole days of it in a row is precious.  You can get and make more of almost anything but your time and attention.  And it’s just so damn nice to not, for these precious days, have to say goodbye.  You cook and laugh and love and do things together and you miss one less person that you love.   I don’t mind the missing most of the time, but it’s so damn nice to not miss Traveler for just these days.  I’m not going to lie.  I could almost pretend that we could stay like this and there is a part of me that wishes.

But, I’m happy.  I’m happy here and I’m happy at home.  I keep thinking it over and over and over.  I’m so lucky.  I’m so lucky.  I’m lucky here on our vacation and I’m lucky at home.  Still.  I don’t wanna go home.

A funny pin-up girl skis down a hill with her arms splayed out behind her

A funny pin-up girl skis down a hill with her arms splayed out behind her

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