I Should Write

My sweet and beautiful metamour.  Skip this one.  Thank you! 😉

Ugh.  I can’t write.

I start and stop.

I should write about a guy I began seeing, but I think I see the writing on the wall.  I was so excited.  We just aren’t seeming to get it together.  I told him today between travels and stressful jobs and crazy schedules, maybe there just isn’t room for connection.  I like him though, so I told him I’d like to see him again.

I’m finding it harder to keep the faith with dating sometimes.

We had pretty damn good sex a couple of times.  But honestly that wasn’t the real appeal to me, as nice as it was.  I liked that he and I seemed to click. I liked that he seems to want more than pussy.  But every time we’ve hung out and not had sex it’s ended really early, and once even when we did fuck.  Once we were exhausted.  Once we went to a thrift store, but he got bored super fast and went outside to talk on the phone and cut the date short after that.  Was the first fun date and all the talk the fluke?  Was shooting pool and laughing the fluke? Or was 3 weeks of waiting to see each other and a quick tired drink and then home the fluke?

I could have seen him Saturday, but it’s a crazy weekend and I would have had to throw everyone off to do it.  But I think I hurt whatever was budding by not coming to this event he wanted me to come to with him.  We don’t even text much, but I felt even in text like it was a problem when I said I wasn’t coming.  Dammit. We’ll see.

I should write about Yarn Hooker, who continues to blow my mind.  So fucking what that she is 23.  And don’t worry pets, no, I am not confessing my undying love for Yarn Hooker.  I like her.  I like her a lot.  I like her for a lot more than her ridiculously hot body.  She’s fun, and ballsy, and interesting and sweet.  Last night she and Traveler and I all talked about fantasies and wants and things we’d like.  It was a sexy talk indeed .  We made a salad together and drank yummy wine and talked about a sexy dream I had.  Soon we were all talking about things we fantasized about and things we’d like to try and we all got randy.

Gummy Bear Threesome

Gummy Bear Threesome

I had revelations about Traveler.  I won’t share them on a public blog, but later that night when we were alone again, we talked about them.  And it’s funny.  I’d felt a couple of times with Traveler and Yarn Hooker that night that I was a little on the outside.  It hadn’t made me jealous or upset.  It was just a thing I noticed.  It happens sometimes in threesomes and it’s not a big deal.  

It was hot for me to watch them fuck, to see the heat there, and to lock eyes with him and have him see how much it turned me on to watch him, and to put my fingers in Yarn Hookers ass, and to fuck her with him.  I loved her response.  I loved being able to feel his cock in her pussy and to know he felt me fucking her with him.  I could feel him through the thin skin between her pussy and her ass and I stroked him in her.  I’d never done that before and it was unbelievably hot.  I might have to ask Yarn Hooker to return the favor, especially since I so badly want to be double penetrated.

I could feel him deep in her pussy.  I loved how crazy it made him to be fucking her sweet tight pussy, how much I liked penetrating Yarn Hooker with my fingers.  I loved how he reacted to me playing with his balls and his own tight little ass.  I could feel my juices run down my leg.  My pussy was still turgid from sitting on Yarn Hooker’s pretty face and feeling her excitement as Traveler ate her pussy like a starved man.  I clenched my legs together to feel my pussy more and played with both of their asses while they fucked.  I could still taste his cum in my mouth from not that long ago and I smiled at his quick recovery.  I hadn’t meant to make him cum.  We were all just so carried away.

I literally do not have words for what it feels like to be so swollen and so wet, so turned on by helping your partners fuck, and how hot it makes you that she is fucking him so good and you know how much he is loving fucking her as deep as he can.  It made me mad with desire to watch Yarn Hooker and to know what she was experiencing.  Yarn Hooker was sexy when she was blindfolded and nude and I flogged her while he dripped candle wax on her and made her cum with his hand.  I loved smacking her swollen nipples with the flogger and gripping her tit hard to help her cum.  She was hot when she asked me to sit on her face and she moaned into my cunt.  She was hot when we took turns sucking his cock.  She was hot when we fingered each other and hot just getting to see those perfect breasts.  But none of that is as hot as how much I love watching them fuck, feeling their reactions with my fingers in their ass.  Oh man.

When he’d finished and caught his breath for just a second I rode him.  I asked him how he wanted me and he’d said of course he wanted me to ride him.  I rubbed my labia rings on him for just a second, letting him feel how wet I already was. And he was eager to enter me. I sank to the hilt.  I leaned back so I could move my hips and let him see Yarn Hooker playing with me.  And I came and came and came, rolling orgasms where I flooded and splashed with force, coming hard.  When I ramped up near the end, needing to fuck him so hard, he looked blissed at my splashing.  He had grabbed my hips a few times, trying to make it last until he couldn’t take it anymore and he came deep in my pussy.

I came again hard, gripping him, splashing. Yarn Hooker teased me so lusciously until I couldn’t take it any more and cried out and fucked him hard, mercilessly not stopping. He got sensitive and he nearly leapt from underneath me to make me stop during my last shattering splash.

It was so fucking hot.

It didn’t trouble me when afterwards he didn’t touch me.  At first I was overheated.  Yarn Hooker was our monkey in the middle a bit, and then Traveler.  I don’t often like to be monkey in the middle.    And I was definitely not upset at how awesome the talk and the sex had been.  It’s hard to describe.  I just felt far away from him, even after the amazing sex.

I don’t know if he was worried about making Yarn Hooker feel excluded or just naturally drawn to the shiny-new or what, but after he lay in the middle and didn’t seem to want to hold me too, on the third or so time he ousted me from his shoulder I pulled back.  After a bit he held his arm out and invited me back in and then ousted me again a minute later. It didn’t trouble me or make me feel jealous or sad or irritated or hurt, funnily enough.  It just made me wonder.

After a while we said good night to Yarn Hooker and walked her to her car to bid her adieu with kisses.  We walked back to our bed to have a minute for each other before sleep and I was especially grateful for it.  

I don’t like to sleep with new lovers in general, and it makes me feel a little bit selfish, but I need a little time alone after a threesome with my love.  I need to be reassured with touch.  I need to know you aren’t mad at me for anything I did in passion.  I need to know you need me and love me and we had a good time.  I don’t know if that will change, and I’m open to it if it ever does, but I need it now and I’ve communicated it.

For the moment Traveler and Yarn Hooker seem perfectly content and it’s not even a thing they are honoring for me. It’s just how things are.  But they or I maybe someday change. You never know.  I’ll deal with that if it ever happens.  Right now it would be difficult for me to have us all sleep together because we aren’t trying to cultivate a big ol’ relationship with Yarn Hooker or her with Traveler or me.  We’re care about her and we are friends that have sexy sexy times.  

Snuggle-sleeping would be crossing to something else somehow.  I was surprised Traveler preferred this too. Yarn Hooker also seems to like it and prefer a more casual connection. It’s not a desire to get rid of Yarn Hooker or to make some stupid rule to keep some bullshit couple’s privilege.  I don’t think I should be more primary than her forever and she can never sleep with me or sleep with Traveler because he and I arrived here first or something.  But for now the token is needed, by me more than Traveler, I’m sure)

Anyway, after his distance last night I asked him if he’d like time alone with Yarn Hooker.  I wasn’t angry or accusing or upset.  I was honestly wanting to know because I get that I can’t (and shouldn’t) stop it if something is forming there and they need space alone.  He was a little aghast and said he certainly didn’t want that.  He loved us all being together and it was perfect as it is. He apologized if he’d spent too much attention on Yarn Hooker and I reassured him honestly that he absolutely hadn’t.  He was lovely and perfect exactly as he was and I’d loved being with them.  It had been very very hot.

I’m not going to say I’ll never have a tiny pinch.  I had one a few weeks back when he was so intimately and sweetly kissing her shoulder.  But it is a little pinch that passes.  l remembered who Traveler is and loved his sweetness. I just wanted to be sure I wasn’t in the way here.

I also won’t lie to you about this.  It made me happy that he very much wants me there and I’m not blocking anything.  I love that he likes the wonderful friendship we’re forming with Yarn Hooker too.  It would have been hard for me to accept them spending time alone without me right now, or maybe ever.  But it is a thing I’d deal with, of course.

Having said all of that… I’m so fucking glad Traveler and I could curl up and check-in and reconnect and sleep as we usually do.  I hadn’t been feeling upset or hurt or angry or whatever, but I had needed him to curl to me like that and on some level I’d needed that reassurance.  

I’ve been conflicted about needing it, but well.. I do.  And it does nobody any good if I try to lie about or deny what I need.  I won’t get everything I need.  I may not even get MOST things I need all the time.  But it’s okay to need something and okay to say it and own it… and it’s okay to be willing to revisit it if I ever need to or to alter it if it someday it doesn’t work.  It feels bad sometimes to need to say goodnight to our friend, but this once it felt so good to have this need met.

He held me close and we wrapped together as we do and he’d said to me again, knowing how I love it, almost in a whisper, “I love your slutty-ness.  You are so awesome and I’m so in love with you.  I love you”.

I fell asleep blissed and sated.

I should write about a lot of things, but it’s late and I’m tired.  I’m going to go curl up in our bed, with his pillow that smells like him.  Tomorrow is gonna be another really busy day.

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