Holy fuck-balls people. I overbooked myself. My loves are overbooked. My calendar looks like a sidewalk after an Indian Holi celebration (where they throw all the colors). Traveler and I haven’t had a regular weekend date in a month. And I’m not even getting the short end of the stick! He and Quinky Girl are in a similar boat for the most part.
But seriously. We haven’t had anything like dinner, an evening, and breakfast in a month. We spent some time together on Sunday and it was the first day we’ve had in a long long time where we were just together, and even that we spent it working. It was so fucking nice just to sit on a couch with him.
We’re seeing each other, sometimes 3 days a week. But it’s including a lot of parties, Burning Man events, yard work, potlucks, group things and all-together-get-togethers. If we didn’t all eat breakfast together sometimes neither Quinky or I would eat a breakfast with him each week. Often we are cramming a bagel in our mouths as we hit the road. It’s crazy.
Even our midweek dates have been nuts. Last week we had a date on Monday where we worked in the yard and hung with Quinky Girl until 830pm and fell into bed exhausted at 1030. We had a date with Yarn Hooker Thursday, which was awesome, and a date Saturday which started at 10pm after we all worked a burning man fundraiser. Traveler and I spent about 2 hours watching a parade together, and an hour running around like crazy together beforehand to get kegs and a tarp and cups but were otherwise not even interacting for most of it. So a nice bit of time Sunday was a huge plus. We spent it doing work on our computers, but that separate together-ness was recharging. I loved that we had to take snuggle breaks and kiss breaks, and I love that I only started maybe half of them. 🙂
This week we had yesterday together, which began at about 8pm after late work meetings and a Burning Man planning session, and then Traveler and I will have Wednesday for an hour maybe before we are all together at a rope class, working a BBQ all together Saturday, and a hangout with all of us and a friend on Sunday, some of which we’ll spend working.
Traveler and I were so tired last night and I was so brain-fried from problem solving that I watched him plan lights for his bike with my mouth hanging open before we went to bed and snuggled, (and we watched a little porn.. heh) before some nice deep petting.
I’m an extrovert, in that I externally process and I am social, but what a lot of people don’t get about some extroverts, like me, is that we are recharged by time alone and in smaller groups and oodles of big social events are draining. It’s true that I talk about my feelings and am more open and accessible than a lot of introverts, but large groups or day after day after day of social stuff drains me. And I need a certain amount of time alone with my lover to feel connected.
All of this is okay. It’s okay to want what we want and need what we need. But I have to ask for it and communicate and be flexible. This morning I asked Traveler to have a dinner with just us on Wednesday before our rope class with everyone. I need a little bit of time together where we are awake and not at potluck or party or event or build meeting or day of difficult labor. I also need these other times we’ve been having all together, and I’m not at all complaining for the family I crave being in my life. It is a deep abiding need that is filled by this. I belong and my family belongs to me. The things I crave with those I love are happening. But a little balance is good and I think we could all use a break.
It’s already a crazy summer.
This part added***
Ironically, I talked to Quinky Girl about this just a bit ago. I didn’t publish this post because I wanted to get pics and didn’t have the time yesterday. I think she is feeling the pinch too. As I said, she isn’t exactly swimming in Traveler-time either. They’ve had a few good long weekend dates this month, but they’ve also had crazy weeks full of some of the same stuff he and I have had. They got extra time before and after her trip to Oregon, and they are together at least 4 and sometimes 5 nights a week, but it isn’t all quality time either and they are looking at another weekend apart. She’s outta town Friday, Saturday and Sunday night.
Damn the summers here! Seattlites run from thing to thing to thing in the summer season, soaking up the sun and the fun and making the most of the long long days, and frankly.. it’s exhausting.
I have the answer.
We just need a time machine or a stop stopping device.