One of the things a non-nesting partner often doesn’t have access to is all the little domestic things. And one of the things I love about dating people who aren’t strictly hierarchical, and someone who is my partner, is that I get some of that. One of the reasons I’m always saying Quinky Girl is a such a great metamour is that she includes me and we can plan together and work together. There’s a lot of reasons, but this is one.
Traveler and Quinky and I are neck deep in Burning Man planning and it’s exhausting, but it’s going really well and I’m starting to get excited at getting to go. What a privilege! I’ll get to watch the city spring up around me in the desert. I helped make the pendulum of our meditation chapel so far. My hands are in this.
And after a very very very long week I asked Traveler for a quiet night. He warned me that he is stressing because he has evaluations due, and glitches with his work project, and oodles of home stuff he needs to get done and I said “Perfect. Let’s have a work evening”. He was so relieved and so happy, and I was too. I need to get some things done and feel like I’m catching up.
Last week was so fun, having my dear dear dear friend PhD in town, but I felt bad I dragged him to stuff and came home late a few times from work because of a patient suicide. I fell behind in duties for my burning man camp and haven’t made progress on ordering and preparing for a camping trip or for school or for Burning Man, and I just felt overwhelmed. So last night Traveler got home and we kissed and snuggled and pet until our stomachs drove us to food. I made a simple dinner and we ate and laughed and talked and settled down to work. He did his presentation for work and got it the way he wanted it and finished his work evaluation. (I helped). I put away all of my clothes and cleaned my bathroom and began to clean my kitchen. I painted both of our toenails and answered emails and caught up on stuff for the board of one of my camps and emails from an ad I placed. We worked sometimes side by side and briefly in another room, and we took little moments to smile at each other or to give a little kiss. He helped me figure out something for the board and one of my ad responses and I helped him evaluate himself, but most of the time we were separately together and I have to tell you…. I LOVED it.
Of course many times we’ve worked together and of course we’ve had nights where he had work, many in fact. But having a nice planned work night and helping each other to feel less overwhelmed what just fucking lovely. Seeing him enough that one of our nights can just be this separate togetherness and it’s not a pinch is lovely too. It’s relationshippy. Girls you meet to fuck once a week don’t get to get domestic bliss. Even girlfriends don’t sometimes get domestic bliss. Partners get domestic bliss.
Washing his dishes and feeding his cat while he changes for the build party, and doing bills side by side, and planning his banister and making my table and figuring out what whatever containers we need and ordering beds and lights and pads for when I squirt.. these are the rarefied air of partners. Sigh. I needed that. Now… gotta see when Yarn Hooker is free next week. And gotta plan a nice breakfast for Traveler and me for Sunday morning. It’s still gonna be a busy week and weekend, but I feel a lot more prepared.