As Quinky Girl and I begin to date anew, and as I read posts on the board for people dating on OKC, I find again that dating isn’t for sissies.
Guys talk about sending out messages by the boat-full and hearing silence. Women are beaten by messages demanding things, insulting, cat-fishing, and basically just yelling “LOOK AT MY DICK! LET ME PUT IT PLACES!!!”
Everyone is asking, “Does it really have to be this hard?”. I see that time and again in the craigslist postings and the Adult Friend Finder profiles and the OKC profiles and messages. Women make laundry lists of rules trying to weed out the obnoxious shit we get and men sound a little panicked that nobody seems to want to engage them, much less ride them.
Then you meet someone interesting.
I met this guy I was really excited about. I mean I was actually excited at the prospect to meet him. He had me absolutely intrigued right from reading his profile. It linked to a song I am deeply and madly in love with. This guy was a romantic! No fucking way. In this day and age someone is looking for something of substance. He was eloquent when he talked about what he wanted. He was handsome and intelligent and interesting. He had the gift of gab. He might just have a soul. Book of Love
I’ll admit I had a girlish flush. I listened to the song twice and wrote him back, awash with the idea of him. I met him. He was even cuter, charming. He was funny and irreverent and intelligent. I liked his voice. I liked him. We stumbled quickly on the topic of kinks and huzzah.. oh huzzah.. we aligned. He was sexy. He gave me a lovely kiss after our first meeting and texted shortly after, something about how nice it’d been to meet. I flushed. I couldn’t wait to see him again. We set up another date.
Poor guy had an allergic reaction and we had to cancel. Poop. But he communicated well and often and we set another date. We talked often, and often about the craziness of aligning kinks. I was interested and he seemed really interested. The day of our date was approaching and then he had to cancel. He’d been a little bit off somehow in the days leading up to the date, so a part of me wondered… was he really doing what he said he was doing? I’ll confess my spidey senses tingled. I don’t know. Maybe. Maybe not. No use in supposing. I figured I’d just see how things shook out.
Turns out the time he’d cancelled he was in Portland with this lady friend of his doing all this stuff. He’d said he was taking his parents there. Maybe he was. But why hadn’t he mentioned in this last minute plan that he and his woman friend were taking the parents there? Why were he and his woman friend having a mad dash weekend of fun and attending all these naughty events then? Again. He totally could have asked his friend last minute to go with him and his parents. But why hadn’t he mentioned her then? And why was communication so different?
I dunno. I never got to find out. He came home and remained kinda cagey. It felt like maybe he was losing interest. I asked him if that was so and he denied it and said he’d looked forward to our meeting. But communication died out. He’d expressed an interest and I’d answered with some locations and he just never wrote again. The date came and.. nothing.
I figured he’d maybe just met a more interesting prospect. Maybe he’d thought better of me having a boyfriend or worried I wouldn’t make more time for him if things grew. Maybe in some way I’d just not been his cup of tea. It happens. We’d only met once and in no way did he owe me anything. He was nothing but lovely in his dealings with me and I certainly wish him well. He instantly deleted me from Facebook. But it’s another one of those dating things. Most of the people you meet just don’t pan out. We just don’t fall madly in love with everyone. It’s rare and special. For all I know maybe I just dodged a bullet. Maybe he’s a terrible selfish cad. Maybe he’s as lovely as he seemed but just isn’t for me. I really don’t know.
I try to keep a sort of open feeling. I’ll meet people. Some of them will be great. Some of them will be good stories. Some of them will be friends. Some lovers. On rare rare occasion they will be loves. And maybe a handful of times if you are lucky, they will be great loves.
And the others… well.. you dust yourself off and try not to be jaded.
And I remember that what I have to offer is wonderful. There are a LOT of people who like it. I’m fun and likable and kind and smart. I’m sex-positive and kinky and open-minded and I like a TON of stuff. I love threesomes and like to bring home partners to willing lovers, and I’m empathetic. I communicate well and I’m affectionate and I place a high priority on my loves. I’m loyal and honest and I love to learn new things. I’m tenacious. I pamper my loves. And I’m fucking great at giving head (for most men. I’m not sure if women feel similarly). More importantly, one man’s lack of interest (or many men’s lack if that happened) is not an indictment of me. I will not be everyone’s perfect match and I don’t need to be.
So I’m tweaking my profile and keeping the faith and remembering dating isnt’ for sissies. But it’s worth it. Sometimes you learn something about yourself or others.
This time I think I cemented that some of my desires are possible. This just wasn’t the right match for them. But it was close. I might be getting closer.
And lucky fucking me… I see Traveler later today (it’s after midnight). I’ll kiss and hold him and pet his magic skin. I’ll eat something wonderful with him and do one of the dozens of things we like doing, and we’ll laugh and talk and canoodle. If I’m lucky we’ll have our delicious sex routine (which I completely love), or maybe one of the times we mix it up (which I also love). And after we are both sated we’ll curl to each other and fall asleep, and I’ll know that regardless of all the rest… I’m the luckiest woman alive. I am part of this family we made, with Quinky Girl too, and that’s more than enough. I have an embarrassment of riches.
So yeah. I feel a twinge that this promising thing didn’t pan out.
But I’m happy here and loved here and lucky.
And Saturday I’m hitting a club with a guy I’ve played with a time or two. He’s a sweet kind guy who is a fun lover. He’s part of the couple some time ago that I had that amazing threesome with at the swing club. He also has one of the largest and most lovely cocks I’ve ever enjoyed.. so that’s not awful too. His wife is out of town for the weekend and she recommended that we get together. I’d mentioned that I have never been able to arrange a mfm threesome, even with all my love of threesomes, and she told me her husband is great at them and hooked us up with each other. He’s so sweetly offered to try to correct my little lack for me.
In a weird irony the guy who lost interest would have loved this.
Dammit I’m a lucky lucky lucky lucky girl.
Yay for fantasies and friends that help you achieve them. 🙂