The NSPP

It’s come to my attention that there was some discussion about me writing about the NSPP.  The NSPP is a rather large poly social group in Seattle with something like a thousand members.  Not all of the members are poly, and not all of the members are great, but there are oodles of trully awesome poly people that attend events or are members of the group.

A long time ago.. about 3 years ago actually… I joined the group and wrote about it in a few blogs.  I got permission from the admins at the time to write about it if I didn’t mention where specific events were or who was in it or any of that.  Awesome.  I totally respect that.

At the time I wrote the blogs I had the unfortunate experience of meeting two jerks in a row that were very involved in the NSPP at the time.  Both jerks were very pushy and both (oddly enough) tried to pressure me to not only have sex with them, but bareback sex without condoms.  They both said that this was okay and me balking at it was crazy because everyone in the NSPP is safe and “everybody knows you don’t need condoms with Nipees”. That’s total bullshit of course.  Nobody is tested or asked anything about their health or sexual practices or STI status to join a poly group. Things were looser then too and lots of people joined that weren’t really vetted in any way.  Later NSPP made lists of rules and bylaws and such and expected that anyone who joined is vouched for by someone.  I knew those guys were idiots then and I know it now and they didn’t then and don’t now speak in any way for the NSPP.

To be honest I stayed away from dating anyone who was super involved with NSPP for a while in part because of the bad taste those guys left in my mouth and in part because of the entangled nature of some poly people who were in the NSPP.  I don’t like to date someone who is dating my friends or lovers.  I just don’t like to do it.  I get along wonderfully with my metamours, or partners partners, but I don’t like to be so super enmeshed. I’m not fucking my metamour and I’m in love with her, as my family and my friend, but it’s a good thing we aren’t having sex.  It’s just so damn complicated.  LOTS of people like that kinda thing, but I don’t. It’s just me. And lots of NSPP attendees feel like enmeshing is great, and lots of them think like me that it isn’t.

Later I became good friends with several people from NSPP and dated a few people here and there that belonged and I’ve learned how many wonderful intelligent fantastic people attend events and on some occasions I go to a thing here or there.  It’s a great social group. I still don’t really treat it like a dating pool and go to most poly events to make friends.  It’s just a style of socializing that I enjoy.  Yay.

So.. revisiting talking about the NSPP, here are some thoughts.

  1. NSPP stands for Nerdy Seattle Poly Posse.  It’s a social group with lots of events.
  2. Like any group of people, especially any large group of people, there are people that are nice and mean and people that are tall and short and funny and dull.  Some NSPP people over the years have violated people’s consent, and some have worked hard to educate themselves and others about consent.  A long time ago I didn’t like the way they did certain parties because it was risky, and there were problems, but they’ve worked very hard to learn and to fix them. However… you should NEVER assume that all the people in any group on Earth are good and safe and trustworthy.
  3. Some people in the NSPP are poly, probably most. But there are people who joined under false pretenses because they thought it’d be a great place to find easy sex.  Some joined for friends who are and are not poly. Some joined for lovers. Some joined because they really like wearing ball gowns with poly or nonpoly people.  Some never have relationships and aren’t open to relationships with anyone or anyone but their spouse really, and some people just look at poly mistakenly as a way to spice up their lives. Some NSPP people aren’t even nerdy.  Don’t assume you know anyone’s motives in any group.
  4. I’ve never read anything that said I can’t disclose what it is or talk about it and I had permission to write about the NSPP from the admins.  I’m a member and I attend events but I do not sponsor people to join and do not disclose the names or locations of any NSPP events or members.  When I get questions I generally send people to the poly community since they have to be in the poly community to meet people and join, if they’re interested.
  5. If you would like to know more about any poly group in Seattle, or polyamory I always recommend blogs (ahem), books, websites, and polyamory meetup groups from meetup.com.  Seattle has two of them, the Seattle Polyamory Meetup Group and the Seattle Poly Professional Group, both located on meetup.com.  I also recommend in some areas to attend kink munches or check in with your local kink clubs as often they know where the poly people are.
  6. To find people to date that are poly I recommend online dating sites, especially OK Cupid.  Yes it takes time to meet people and to find your people, but that’s always true of relationships.
  7. No. Not all polyamorous people fuck tons of people. Just like monogamy, in polyamory people have all kinds of dating styles. Some like group sex and some do not. Some like romance and some don’t. Some like fucking clowns and some like fucking nobody because they are asexual.  People are heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, pansexual, gender queer, gender fluid, cis-gender, love bananas and prefer mangos and every other thing.
  8. How do you ask out poly people? Like you ask out people, because we are in fact people.
  9. How do you join the NSPP or find events? Join the poly community and live your life in the greater Seattle area and we’ll find you.  Don’t live in Seattle? Join your community.  Don’t have a great social group in your area? Start one.
  10. I don’t know. 10 sounded better than 9.

So.. there you have it.  Here is a little more about the NSPP and a little clarity hopefully.

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