I don't know, man

I’m tired of dating. I’m sick of the banter that dies and the thrill of meeting someone new. I don’t want to meet someone new. I want to curl up with someone that knows and loves me. Could I somehow just find them?

It’s made harder because things are so damn amazing with Traveler. I like meeting people, but I really like spending time with him. I wish the other things could be so easy and work so well, but they can’t, because we haven’t known and loved each other for years.

I want to know all the little spots that make them gasp. I want to have our perfect kisses, the ones that melt us and that we’ve learned over time. I want our routines and our habits and the little things we do and are to each other. I want to fall asleep so fast with them too, moments after we came, when we are curled together, sweaty and sated, only to wake up some time later to turn out the lights or the music or cover us both up.  I want to grab our water for our nightstands while they make sure the door is locked. I want to grin like idiots playing candy crush and laughing our asses off in bed. I want to fast forward to the part where it works and the relationship is good.

I want to already be a part of each other’s lives. I don’t want to wonder if they want to see me. I don’t want all the stupid complications of making plans at first, or the nervousness or the wondering. I don’t want to have great online chats and then meet and realize there is no way we ever want to kiss each other. I don’t want the best faces forward and the feeling that I’m sitting across from someone and we are both already thinking… “back to the drawing board”. Hell. I’d rather put on my pajamas and watch a chick flick with my cats sometimes. And so I do. The Boss is really funny, by the way.

I still for the life of me can’t figure out if this guy likes me or is just being nice when he’s not busy.  I like hanging out with him and would probably be happy either way, but I’m not sure if I should stop trying to make plans with him outside of the club if really he’d rather just be fucking. God I hate dating sometimes.


  1. Current reality is the other swing side of the pendulum from the extremes of traditionalism…

    Everything in the universe balances…

    And one has to balance everything they do, or theres invariably problems…

    An example might be materialism; most people have more things than they can move, and othen more than they can keep a roof over in the storms of life… so they rent Uhauls, or call Mayflower, and are always packing stuff into liquor boxes etc.. And always taking stuff to the dump to try to control clutter etc…
    All costs time and money, dragging around things that 90% of they never use…. Would be better to balance it all by having less stuff, and a vehicle capable of hauling it in a single load, and maybe something nomadic for a home etc.

    The problem with the players culture is theres no reason for permanence…

    So eventually one would get tired of it, just as people get tired of hearing the same person all the time…

    If you want permance, you have to pay its prices.. And you are unlikely to find it in a swingers club…

    You have to go to the forest to hunt deer… And its better if you live there, than be one of millions of opening day city types…

    If you want permanence, you will have to get a new start… And go where your heart really wants to be, and find him there too…

    And really in today’s world, with so many caught up in their own vanities, finding a decent partner is really tough..

    And its not going to happen on a date site, mostly dishonest types there…

    Takes real work, and adaptation to hunt a deer….

    Then when you get it, the work begins…


  2. I think we have different ideas on some things in life, but aren’t so far apart. As for the stuff pertaining to this, I think sometimes anyone who dated gets tired and it’s human to long for connection. People meet life long loves on dating sites and in grocery stores and pickups and all sorts of places, but I’ll agree most people we meet anywhere, including swing clubs or dating sites aren’t our big loves. Most people we meet just aren’t big loves.
    Traveler and Quinky met on a dating site 15 years ago. I met Traveler on a dating site too. My good friends met each other on a hook-up site for threesomes and are still together. I met my ex-husband at Starbucks. My grandparents met at a USO dance. Quite a few people I know met their spouse swinging.

    I agree though that finding those we love often comes from living our lives well and doing the things we love. I agree too we need to go where our heart needs to be. Living authentically is the way to happiness whether we are in a couple or not, and we aren’t ready for big love until we can be ourselves.

    I think sometimes dating is a little exhausting and most poly people I know have periods of time when they are and are not into dating as much. I’ve been poly for enough years that I’ve had this cycle before. And one of the beauties of being poly is that I’m so lucky I can curl up with my love when we feel this way.

    Another love may come or it may not. Even doing the things we love is tiring sometimes, and in those times I have those evenings in my pajamas and times with friends and my loves.

    The swinger guy is pretty amazing, and maybe it’ll turn into something and maybe it won’t. Either way.. I just keep living authentically and honestly, and the relationships are what they are, whether casual or deep or for however long they do. All of them are valuable.

    Thanks for reading and commenting and congrats on living the way you choose and authentically to who you are.


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