One of the nice things about living openly is that my old friend coming into town means I get to have fun introducing him to the people in my life without worry. All of them have asked me “Is it okay to talk freely?”, “Are there things.. ahem.. he shouldn’t know?”. Nope. I had to laugh too because people have asked if he’d delicate, or if he’d judge them because they were going through something, or if they should “behave around him”. Heh.
The idea that I’d be close friends with someone for 13 years and they’d be delicate or easily offended makes me laugh.
Ph.D, my friend, visited from Colorado. He came to this academic conference and to see me and have a good time. He is not, in fact, delicate nor easily offended. And I told everyone when they asked to speak freely. I’m not sure what would shock or offend my dear Ph.D, but I’m quite sure my friends and loves would have to struggle mightily to find it. On the flip side, he asked and I let him know that he could talk to my loves and my friends about anything. Hell, a few people at my work know a little bit about my life and if others found out I’d be relieved. When I began my job 5 years ago I was a very happily married monogamous woman.
We opened up, and a couple of years later broke up (not directly related) and it’s hard to figure out how to say “by the way I’m in love with a man I’ve been dating almost 2 years, some of which was when I was married to my husband”. Well.. actually that kinda answers that. You say something like that I guess. Or maybe you just leave off the dates. Maybe you just say you’re in an open relationship with these two guys and it’s working. I’m going to do exactly that eventually. When we talk about what we all did on the weekend, or plans, I mention that I did this with a man I’m dating. I know they assume I’m either not dating these men very seriously, or that the more relationship stuff is all the same man. Whatever. If I ever have good reason I’m fine with outing myself at work. I sort of think (like a friend says) that poly people have a responsibility to out themselves in casual situations. I think this is how acceptance starts, with familiarity.
So, yep.. good visit with Ph.D. I was going to write a much longer and more in depth post about this, but well.. I’m not. The visit was wonderful. I loved having my friend here and loved some time with him. Oh? You hear a but? Yeah. There is a but. Continue reading