It’s Complicated

It’s always complicated. Isn’t it?

What is this thing between us? How many millions of ways do we ask this? Does he like me? What does she want? What is happening here? There really aren’t enough words and there are far too many.

 

  • friends with benefits
  • husband
  • friend
  • metamours
  • lovers
  • vixen
  • stag
  • cuckold
  • Dom
  • ex
  • boyfriend
  • unicorn
  • fuck buddy
  • paramour
  • sister wife
  • beau
  • fiance
  • significant other
  • bull
  • cuckquean
  • partner
  • primary
  • side chick
  • play partner
  • protector
  • swing circle
  • knight
  • special friend
  • anchor
  • secondary
  • great love
  • main squeeze
  • baby daddy
  • sugar daddy
  • Dom Daddy
  • baby mama
  • boytoy
  • little
  • my little secret
  • beard

Just scratching the surface really.

 

 

Starting the NEW blog

 

Some years ago we started asking ourselves questions. Does monogamy actually work for us? What does it mean if we want to touch other people? Have sex with other people? Have relationships or even love for more than one person?  Would having an orgasm with someone somehow erase what I have with this other person? Would it really?

Could I have sex with others?  Could people I care about have sex with others and we’d still be us?  What if I loved more than one person? At the time I was married, and swinging appealed to me. I had wanted to be a swinger pretty much since I’d learned about what it was. My husband at the time and I discussed it. He was interested at first, but quickly realized he would rather have relationships with others, and we learned about and became poly. And well.. I’m not going to lie. For a lot of reasons, not all of them polyamory, my marriage exploded.

But I was here and I was still poly. I had the capacity and interest in relationships with more than one person at a time. And over the years I had these polyamorous relationships. The most people I was ever dating at once was four, and I do not recommend it. It’s exhausting and basically I was always disappointing somebody.

I read and read and blogged and blogged and lived and talked and tried, and found that hierarchies weren’t for me. I didn’t like primaries and secondaries and never did. Even my husband and I when we first opened up felt that this wouldn’t work for us.  This doesn’t mean that my existing relationships and long term loves don’t have priority with me or that they don’t matter. I am very into honoring commitments and the investment of love and time and experience.  But I liked anyone I dated to be a whole person and to not be arbitrarily forever limited, no matter what, because someone met someone first. This is long and hard to explain. We’ll come back to it.

So.. I’ve been polyamorous for 5 years. And over the years I’ve had occasion to explore, my sexuality, life and all kinds of things. I’ve discovered I’m still interested in swinging and joined a club. I’ve also discovered I’m kinky, and explored that a little bit too. And over time I just kinda discovered that I didnt’ need and didn’t fit super neatly into any tiny box.

Like most humans, I’m complicated. I’m guessing so are you.

So finding myself at need to create a new blog for a variety of reasons I thought about the next chapter. What did I want to write? It wasn’t going to be just a blog on polyamory. And it wasn’t a blog just on swinging. Or a blog even just on dating.

Love, Sex and Relationships have always interested me and are fodder for an infinite stream of thought. It’s also a stream for profound connection and I’ve made so many friends here on this journey of ethical non-monogamy, of honest open relating. And it occurred to me this new little blog could be something else.

I could have blogs on all of these open sex and love and relationships, and could invite a friend to contribute here and there too. We could have interviews and podcasts and links. In non-monogamy, in so many ways we are all defining for ourselves what any of these words and labels mean, and how they fit us, if at all.  And we’re the architects of the connections we are creating. And that’s beautiful but it’s scary and difficult too. And I learn a lot from my friends, and hope you do too.

There’s a weird thing that happens when we start asking ourselves all of these questions. We find and create the love and sex and relationships we crave, and we walk off of the path that doing things the way we were told to creates.  I have found the blogger community so informative and supportive. Starting this new broader blog, I hope that continues.

However you got here and whatever brings you, welcome. I hope to hear from you in comments or emails or on facebook or twitter or any of the other places.

I’m so excited at this next chapter. Here’s to open love and sex and relationships. Here’s to new blogs.

– Thanks for reading!

Holly

I won at Bawdy Storytelling!

Traveler and I went to Bawdy Storytelling in Seattle for the 1 year anniversary event. It. Fucking. Rocked.

I met some really fun sexy people, laughed my head off, got a little disgusted, cheered, titillated to crazy good sexy tunes by Garlic Man and CHIKN (https://facebook.com/GarlicManandChikn). It’s the 3rd or 4th time I’ve been and I have loved it to pieces each and every time.

Dixie de la Tour started it about 9 years ago in San Fransisco, and brought it here to Seattle. Thank you, Dixie! I got to meet her tonight before the event and have to admit I was a little star struck. She’s a force of nature.

And get this… I won a HUGE prize!!!

I won a gift bag chock full of the ever fantastic Lelo toys, AND a night at Inn Thrall, Seattle’s only kinky B&B! I screamed and danced I’d wanted it so badly. My trusty Lelo vibrator finally stopped charging a few months ago and I bought a new vibrator that I like okay, but I’ve missed my Lelo. It’s powerful and sleek and well designed and QUIET. What? I like to stealthurbate. Don’t judge me.

So… An evening of kinky fun with Traveler? Yes please. A Lelo pleasure object? Yes please! A Lelo sensual suede whip. Yes. Lelo silky restraints. A Lelo insignia vibe. Gulp. Yes. Lube! Lubricant! Oh dear God Halleluiah!!

There are a lot of exclamation points.
This deserves them.
Squee.

IMG_5904.JPG

Want

This one has a lot of talk about piercings and a fantasy with one of my loves, so skip this one if you like.  😉

leather cuffs, can be bought from amazon.

leather cuffs, can be bought from amazon.

(Amazon Link to Leather Blindfold) <- click here.

(Amazon Link to Leather Cuffs) <- click here.

So Traveler and I fished the same girl.  It was bound to happen, but we both started talking to her on the same day (yesterday) and about many of the same things, sharing very similar interests.  And holy fuck. I’m getting my piercings as soon as I get back from my weekend away.  I don’t care and I can’t wait.

I told this girl, Threes we’ll call her, about the piercings I wanted and we got all worked up talking about it because she’d found me via my answers about piercing questions.  She shares my interest.  And when I told her how I’d been planning for MONTHs to get them this month and that I was totally crestfallen to put them off because of surgery in a few months she said “why don’t you just do it and get nylon piercings to hold the holes while you do surgery?  Eureka.

I’m getting them ASAP.  I CAN’T FUCKING WAIT!  All those months of planning and dreaming and thinking about them and all the porn and pictures and imaginings.  Growl.  Yes!

And oh god I have a fantasy.

It’s graphic.  You were warned.  Do not read this is fantasies about me and my loves would be at all upsetting.  Continue reading

Adventures

I found a new toy I want.  It’s a harness that has comfortable straps, a very versatile connect for a variety of size dildos, pouches for a vibrator above or below, the ability to wear it with a double sided dildo, and is machine washable.  I read all the reviews and have made the choice.  This is the one. 

The Joque Spareparts Harness

The Joque Spareparts Harness

The Awesome Joque Spareparts Harness -If you’d like to check it out at Amazon.  🙂

Ooh. They linked me!

Some lovely folks over at planet airwaves recently contacted me and asked about linking to one of my posts from their site.  Um.  Yes please.  How flattering.  I love when people read and it’s a treat that they wanted to share the post.  It was the one about the Myself Party at the center, and you can see their post of it here http://planetwaves.net/news/.  It was posted August 9, 2014.  

I love the comments and discussion and that they seem to run the gamut from people who liked it to maybe sort of hated it and had opinions about it.  The only thing better than getting to hear that someone read it is that someone had an opinion about it.  🙂

Anticipa… … tion.

The first kiss.  Delicious.

first kissI’m excited and looking forward to seeing the new guy again.  We’ve had only the one date, and oodles and oodles of conversation about all sorts of things that has left me, well, on a simmer.  I joked with him that I wasn’t sure I liked him and I need to kiss him again, for science.  I joked about a kink checklist and it turned into an actual talk.  It was a bit of a negotiation, and yeah, nerd that I am I coughed up a checklist I’d gotten a long long time ago and not yet used.  It was a kink checklist.  It’s not totally comprehensive, because how could anything be that wasn’t a freaking novel.  I mean there are kinks for EVERYTHING.  But it’s pretty good. 

So we filled them out and exchanged them and talked about things that interest us.  We have some lovely overlapping interests.  God I love it when a plan comes together.

first kiss3So my current plan has been to hold off a teeny bit before the naughty sexy bits, so we can get to know each other a little before sex complicates the picture.  Too late.  I want to jump him so fucking badly.  I keep telling him I am promising nothing on our next date (not because he’s pushing.. just to be clear).  And I really am not promising anything.  But I’m not sure he’s the one I need to worry about.  I am pretty sure I’m the weakest link.

I have to admit I love it when I’m like this.  I love the thrill and anticipation of a new potential lover.  I love how many times a day I think naughty naughty stuff about them.  I love how much it sparks my already purring engine.  I love the wriggling in my office chair and the little fantasies I have about what might be there or what might happen.  I love not knowing.  This is so much fun. 

first kiss 4One of the many many gifts of open relationships is the potential for this newness and this giddy glee.  First kisses!  Oh how I love first kisses, especially with that spark of chemistry.  Discovering each others bodies and minds and desires, and exploring!  Finding new ways to connect or to be passionate.  When I was monogamously married I thought my days of firsts were done.  What a sweet gift firsts are to have again!  Booya.

first kiss2