I really dislike my brain sometimes. I woke up this morning with my brain churning a little. I noticed it and realized what was happening. Every now and then I start spinning about something. I used to see Great Date do this, and it’s how I finally realized I did it too.
Sometimes it’s fear. Sometimes I feel a little afraid and my mind casts about to understand my fear. The house is not on fire. The cats are okay. Maybe I had a nightmare I don’t remember. I don’t know, but my mind is an unkind place. I cast doubts around about my worth.. my friendships. I chew on the edge of my relationships. I pull up reasons I should be afraid or sad or that things could be bad. I pull up real and imagined evidence for how I suck. I tell myself mean things. I am the voice in the dark.
I’ve learned over time that this is just me petting a worry stone. I can spin up elaborate bad things, and I know it. I’m cherry picking the little rotten things to make problems that don’t exist. I’m fine. I’m more than fine. I’m happy. I’m here in my quiet apartment with my sweet kitties. I live in a neighborhood I love. I live in a city I love. I have a family that I love that loves me. I’m making the best choices I can and I’ll be ok. My relationship(s) are good.
And I learned to pull out the anti-venom for poisonous thoughts.