Starting the NEW blog

 

Some years ago we started asking ourselves questions. Does monogamy actually work for us? What does it mean if we want to touch other people? Have sex with other people? Have relationships or even love for more than one person?  Would having an orgasm with someone somehow erase what I have with this other person? Would it really?

Could I have sex with others?  Could people I care about have sex with others and we’d still be us?  What if I loved more than one person? At the time I was married, and swinging appealed to me. I had wanted to be a swinger pretty much since I’d learned about what it was. My husband at the time and I discussed it. He was interested at first, but quickly realized he would rather have relationships with others, and we learned about and became poly. And well.. I’m not going to lie. For a lot of reasons, not all of them polyamory, my marriage exploded.

But I was here and I was still poly. I had the capacity and interest in relationships with more than one person at a time. And over the years I had these polyamorous relationships. The most people I was ever dating at once was four, and I do not recommend it. It’s exhausting and basically I was always disappointing somebody.

I read and read and blogged and blogged and lived and talked and tried, and found that hierarchies weren’t for me. I didn’t like primaries and secondaries and never did. Even my husband and I when we first opened up felt that this wouldn’t work for us.  This doesn’t mean that my existing relationships and long term loves don’t have priority with me or that they don’t matter. I am very into honoring commitments and the investment of love and time and experience.  But I liked anyone I dated to be a whole person and to not be arbitrarily forever limited, no matter what, because someone met someone first. This is long and hard to explain. We’ll come back to it.

So.. I’ve been polyamorous for 5 years. And over the years I’ve had occasion to explore, my sexuality, life and all kinds of things. I’ve discovered I’m still interested in swinging and joined a club. I’ve also discovered I’m kinky, and explored that a little bit too. And over time I just kinda discovered that I didnt’ need and didn’t fit super neatly into any tiny box.

Like most humans, I’m complicated. I’m guessing so are you.

So finding myself at need to create a new blog for a variety of reasons I thought about the next chapter. What did I want to write? It wasn’t going to be just a blog on polyamory. And it wasn’t a blog just on swinging. Or a blog even just on dating.

Love, Sex and Relationships have always interested me and are fodder for an infinite stream of thought. It’s also a stream for profound connection and I’ve made so many friends here on this journey of ethical non-monogamy, of honest open relating. And it occurred to me this new little blog could be something else.

I could have blogs on all of these open sex and love and relationships, and could invite a friend to contribute here and there too. We could have interviews and podcasts and links. In non-monogamy, in so many ways we are all defining for ourselves what any of these words and labels mean, and how they fit us, if at all.  And we’re the architects of the connections we are creating. And that’s beautiful but it’s scary and difficult too. And I learn a lot from my friends, and hope you do too.

There’s a weird thing that happens when we start asking ourselves all of these questions. We find and create the love and sex and relationships we crave, and we walk off of the path that doing things the way we were told to creates.  I have found the blogger community so informative and supportive. Starting this new broader blog, I hope that continues.

However you got here and whatever brings you, welcome. I hope to hear from you in comments or emails or on facebook or twitter or any of the other places.

I’m so excited at this next chapter. Here’s to open love and sex and relationships. Here’s to new blogs.

– Thanks for reading!

Holly

What to ask Traveler?

Traveler and I will finally record a podcast we planned long ago. The podcast is coming back retooled!

What would you like to ask Traveler? He will reserve the right not to answer anything he doesn’t want to, so feel free to ask anything at all.

That’s right! Traveler finally speaks. Help me know what to ask him.

IMG_3373.JPG

If it helps bring up questions… He has been open for 14 or so years, and in love with two women for 3 years, and previously for a couple of years. He’s had three open loving committed relations at a time. He is friendly with the men his wife and I date. He’s very rarely jealous. And he’s hardly ever sick at sea. (Kidding)

Also, interestingly, both his wife and I are poly bloggers, and he does not identify as poly though he and Quinkygirl are very much in love and together nearly 15 years and he says he’s madly in love with me and we’ve been together 2 years and 8 months. His wife and girlfriend are very very close and love each other. He’s incredibly loving, great in bed, and a deeply good confidant. Curious? Ask stuff!

Seasons

handsSo I haven’t written much because I was processing stuff internally and because I don’t like to communicate via blog.  Cleveland doesn’t read this a lot, but still.

I think we are breaking up.  I said I’d sleep on it, and I will.

It’s hard and shitty and sad. And I’m not sure.  But it’s been a long time coming.  We started to get frustrated talking and decided to sleep on it.  It’s murky.  I know I love him.  I know that I love spending time with him and talking to him and doing things with him and fucking him.  I know I love his sweetness and his intelligence and his lovely dirty mind.  I love podcasting and talking about bloggy things.  I love how good he is at so many things.  And I love his interests.  I’d like to have him in my life.

But I can’t keep doing this.  And I feel TERRIBLE for it.  But it is simply the truth.  This hurts too much.  We don’t really have the room to have a relationship and it just doesn’t work.  I want it to, but it doesn’t.  We’ve had this talk before and I asked for things, the bare minimums for what I thought I needed.

Continue reading

Slutty Girls and the Men Who Love Them- The latest Non-Mono Cast

Sexy lady found at singaporestoriesbyrya

The latest Non-Monocast Podcast posted.  It’s called Slutty Girls and the Men Who Love Them.  It’s Non-Monocast number 17.

It’s kinda fun.  It’s about my recent epic threesome as my first time swinging!  Yes!  And it’s about slutty girls, and fun, and gushing, and talking about it all, and men who love slutty girls.  Listen to it for free here.

Woman striking a pose on a settee found at pinterest.

Not So Butt-Hurt

It’s here.  We’re finally back on track and recording podcasts again.  We got away from it for a bit, but we’re back and we promise to keep them coming this time.  

heart buttClick here -> “Not So Butt Hurt” to hear the podcast for free on your computer or smart phone.

Here it is.  It’s about butt sex, butt play, and doing the butt.. aww.. sexy sexy!  Cleveland and I talk about lube lube and more lube, what not to do, how to try, and naughty little butt sex plans and fun.  We were going to call it butt hurt, but pain isn’t necessary with butt play.  Ohh.. varieties of sensation and sexy time anal sex fun.  – Podcast Number 16.  

Bawdy Storytelling

BawdyAwesome NEWS!!!!!!!!

One sec.  I’ll get to it.  I went to the first ever Bawdy Storytelling in Seattle last night.  It was AWESOME.  I’ve never been to Bawdy and I’m a total convert.  I got to put faces with the names Reid Mihalko, Midori, Rachel Lark, Dixie De La Tour, and John Woods of the Wetspots.  I also saw/met new faces like Pamela Madsen and fed my fan-girldom of Dan Savage.  Wet Personal Lubricants helped fund the event and it was held at Re-Bar.

It was so fun!  Seattle-ites screaming their heads off and laughing and celebrating sex.  Such good times.

I’ll get to the great news in a minute I promise.  They’re having another bawdy tonight where Seattle folks can tell stories and I’m missing it for the super excellent reason that Cleveland and I are off on our anniversary trip.  It’s been a year today.  🙂

Maybe some time I can get up there and tell a story.  That’d be so cool.

And now the news…. Reid Mihalko said he’d be on our podcast!!!!!  Can you fucking believe that.. our little podcast.  So cool.  That guy is the fucking coolest.

Wet Personal Lubricants – Your Place Or Mine?

Bawdy Storytelling Facebook

Reid Mihalko’s Page

Life on the Swingset!

swingset logoI’m in!!!  They are letting me submit contributions!

I have long been a fan of “Life on the Swingset”, the podcast.  It led me to “Pedestrian Polyamory” the podcast and to abiding crushes on pretty much the entire cast of both podcasts.  Talking with other open/poly/swinger folks it seems I am not alone in this.  After a while I checked out their website, and I’m a fan of that too.  It has great blogs and info.

I think when I first opened up I was so hungry for information about how to navigate all of this heady adventure, and so amazed to find that there was a broad community out there figuring this stuff out too.  I also enjoyed Dan Savage’s “Savage Lovecast” and Minx’s “Polyamory Weekly”, and Sex Nerd Sandra’s podcast.  I love learning and I often go on jags when I discover great new things to learn.  I read “Sex at Dawn”, “SM 101”, “Opening Up” and “The Ethical Slut”.  I read websites and scoured the net.

I started this blog during this phase, needing a place to talk about all the things that were happening because the only open people I knew were the people I was dating.  Over time I found community with local meet ups and munches and slowly came out everywhere but at work.

Anyway.. long story summed up, I became a fan-girl of some of the people blogging and writing and podcasting about all of this stuff and I’m insanely honored to say that I’ll be submitting posts to contribute to Life on the Swingset’s blog community.  I’m writing my bio and my first post.  I can’t believe it.  I am very excited.  I think I’ve read the email from Miko the Techogeisha something like 90 times.  I can’t believe she said she and Cooper are already familiar with this blog.  Wow.  Wow.  Wow.  I shouldn’t be surprised.. I mean.. they are people.  They are people like me who are figuring this stuff out too.  Part of what I love about the people I so admire in this community is that by and large they all seem to be still learning too.  They have a lot to share, and part of that is their own journeys with this stuff and the ways they learn and change over time.  This little old blog has a wider reach that I understand sometimes.

I’m 3 people shy of 600 subscribers.  And I am constantly in awe of this.  I know by blog standards this is still relatively small, but I am deeply deeply humbled.  I hope I can contribute something useful and I hope I can add to the community of voices out here.  It’s like anything though, right?  I’m not a learned pro.  What I can add that is really valuable and really unique to me is my experiences.  I’ll try not to state tooooo many opinions though I will share some.  I’ll try to share experiences as I can, and I’ll try not to embarrass anyone but me.  It took a few days to inform my little murder.  We’re submitting to Life on the Swingset!!!  Booya!