Ahhh. Clarity. It’s that moment you finally let go and see the truth and it sets you free. No guilt, no recrimination, and only peace rein. You don’t have to feel guilty or wonder if you did the right thing. You are free.

Letting Go of Great Date

I went to Great Date’s house tonight to break up with him face to face. I love him.. I love him to my very core, but I had to let him go. I will not trash him here or anywhere else, and I do not hate him or wish him any ill. I love him. But I will tell as accurate a truth as I can without sharing anything I think he’d be uncomfortable with. He is now okay with his drinking being known publicly, so I will talk a little about that however. To people that actually know him I will simply say it didn’t work out, even though we love each other. I need it to be clear- Great Date is not a hopeless drunk or an asshole. He’s an intelligent, handsome, caring, loving, sensual man with a drinking problem. I have one too. I’ve been sober over 20 years, and I sobered up as a teenager.

drunk 1

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Turns out he didn’t break up with me in a text.

Great Date has been one of the best relationships of my life.  He’s an amazing man and I’m lucky to have spent time with him and I love him.  Even casual readers will know how devastating this is.  If you’re shocked, don’t feel bad.  I’m shocked too.  I have never been more honest or more vulnerable or more real.  I have never enjoyed that level of acceptance and love.  This is by far one of the most painful things of my life.

I can’t and don’t want to delve too far into what happened, but I need to say something I can’t really say in life, with people who know both of us.  I don’t want to hurt his reputation or him mine.  I want to think we can be mature and kind.  I love him.  I can’t turn it off like a light.  I just love him so fucking much and I don’t want to hurt him.  It kills me to think of that, but I’m not stupid.  I know this hurts him. Continue reading