Alyson Hannigan.. yum.

Alyson Hannigan.. yum.

God, help me.  I am just as bad as every lecherous guy I dated when I was a young woman.  I’m just as bad as my father.  I’m just as bad as every Camaro-driving balding middle-aged man with every young and beautiful waitress.  I am the idiot who feels special because a young woman thinks I still got it.

I was 18 years old when she was born. I can feel how red my face is right now, but I don’t care.  There’s something about her I like, even past the fact that she’s foxy.

She’s sexy.  She has a pretty fair resemblance to Alyson Hannigan from Buffy.  She has those sleepy sexy eyes and that cutely quirky smile and the red hair too. She’s got a lovely hourglass figure and soft alabaster skin.  She likes technical manuals and nerdy things and she’s interested in learning more about polyamory and in playing with couples and exploring.  She likes being teased.  She likes trying things like fancy Mezcal.  She has a naughty smile.  She thought we were cute too.  She knows how old we are.  She likes it.  She doesn’t have a lot of experience and she’d like more.  She likes my ideas…I do have rather fun ideas.
alyson hannigan 2I’d rather love to help her explore.

Oh God.  I’d love to help her explore.

Please please please universe?

So I have to admit I’d want this girl even if it were just physical.  But there is something kinda great there, a certain humor and an intellectual curiosity that I find highly appealing.  Most every person who ever tried to justify robbing the cradle has said it, but it’s true.  She’s kinda timeless.

It’s odd but I relate to that.  I was always that old soul, that 11 year old with the 15 year old friends.  I spent my young adulthood generally with people of all sorts of ages.  I’ve had friends from 14-74.  This girl does too.  When she talks about her friend who is 63 and from Sri Lanka I totally see a bit of myself in that.

But yeah.. kinda red-faced.

She’s 23.

Alyson Hannigan 3


There is an end in sight.  I will not need surgery they think, and they didn’t mess me up by not having fiberglass casting material, and it’s not in the Jones region as had been predicted, so it should heal pretty well.  Yay!!!

It’s still 4 more weeks of no weight bearing, but that beats the heck outta surgery.

And I’m having fun flirting with a new dude.  We’ll see rabbit.  We’ll see.  So often these things pan into nothing but there is a shocking large amount of overlapping interest.. so I kinda hope it does come to fruition.  He’s dragging his feet a little, balking that I told him my foot is broken I think.. or maybe something else.  He’s cagey and I don’t have it figured out yet.  Eh.  What can you do?  I’m enjoying the flirting.  It’s so much fun to imagine.

I have a crush

My boyfriend and I were sending each other sweet sexy pics when he dumped me flat for a phone call.  I texted an appreciative response and a pic and he just stopped responding.  Radio silence. Some time later he popped back up and said “sorry I was on the phone with _______”.  Harumph.  That kinda smarted.  He didn’t mean it that way and to be honest I do kinda get it, and it’s not a hill I want to die on.  It doesn’t feel good to be dumped like fucking bologna but I’m gonna chalk it up to bad timing and a slight insensitivity and let it go.  I’m gonna tell you about my crush instead.


Oh my god I have a crush.  I think I’ve had something like 3 crushes in my entire life, so it took me a while to realize it.  I have a crush!

There is this girl who belongs to the NSPP (a poly group I am finally a member of and adore) and I find myself drooling on her in the virtual world.  She seems so witty and funny and pretty and sexy and just.. awesome.  She’s WAY out of my league, sadly, but damn do I enjoy crushing on her.  She’s vivacious and she sends out these occasional sexy snap chats, and comments now and then on the NSPP board.  I get a little thrill each time I see I have a snap from her.  I thought she was just foxy when I saw her snaps, but she was so beautiful I had to check her out.  I went and looked at the public version of her Facebook and OKCupid profile.  Ahem.  She was even more amazing. 


She’s an intelligent and accomplished woman.  She seems like a genuine and interesting person.  She says cool things about relationships and sex and love.  She says a lot of other cool things.  We’re actually a pretty good match.  Sadly she also seems like a very very popular person who is overwhelmed with dating prospects.  Drats.  Of course she is.  She’s a phenomenon!  She’s a science geek.  She’s crazy hot.  She likes to play roll playing games.  She has cool hobbies.  She has dizzyingly delicious curves.  She has long thick hair and a beaming smile.  She talks a lot about joy and laughter and smiling in her profile.  She seems so cool I’d desperately want to know her even if she weren’t smoking hot.  I may giggle uncontrollably or be struck dumb if I ever see her at an event.  It was slow at first..  “Oh, would you look at that sexy snap.  Wow.  That girl is stunning”.  It’s quickly becoming “I think I’ll just read her profile one more time and compare our answers to the dating questions again.  Maybe we would hit it off if we ever met.  Maybe I’d really get that lucky.  You never know.  Julia Roberts married Lyle Lovett.  Stranger things have happened.  Maybe she’d like a short ‘little too curvy’ girl”.  I’m smart and I have cool interests too.  Okay.. so I’m not really in this girl’s league.  Maybe I can hope for a really cool heart or a strangely reciprocal appreciation.   

ImageMaybe I’ll send her a message. 

Gulp.  I can’t.  What would I say?

I’m chicken.

I’ll just give her a bunch of stars on OKC.  Maybe that will make her smile.

It’s kinda fun to have a crush. 



I just had great dates and a great night with friends.  Cleveland and I had this sort of wonderful midweek date with talking and walking and fucking and eating and petting and snuggling.  We’re getting excited for our Portland trip and I just love how things are going there.  It’s funny when things are kinda right how easy and good they are.  There isn’t any angst or gnashing of teeth.  There isn’t any big discussions or issues.  It’s just good.  The affection is good, the sex, the talk, the fun, the plans the hobbies.. all of it.  I just enjoy being with him.  The only hard part is sometimes missing him.

Then Traveler and I had a great date.  I had all these plans and in the end he was just too tired, which worked because I was too tired too.  We went to get a cocktail and the food looked yummy and we ate there.  Then I got a little randy and attacked him, and he was an all too willing victim, and then we played Wow and snuggled each other to sleep.  It sounds like a boring date, as so many of our dates do, but it was not at all boring.  Again, I just have so much joy.

I love that the men I love are such good friends to me.  I love the level of conversation I can have with them and the just… good.  I can’t tell you somehow or express how much I am just in pure and utter joy.  I like it.  I like it all.  I like it exactly, in every way, exactly as it is.  I find myself gazing at them sometimes, while they blog or fold clothes or smile at me, and I am thinking just how lucky I am.  It’s an amazing thing to find someone you respect and love, who excites you and holds you, gets you and lets you get them.  It’s just such a marvel to so love and be loved.  It’s one of life’s precious things and I rain kisses on their faces and soak up all the smiles.  Ahhhhhhh.. Just Ahhhhhhh.  After the long and difficult road at times… Ahhhhhhhh.

Crazy Dream

Warning- This one is sexually graphic and about Traveler and Cleveland.

Monday night I had a steamy dream that I had a threesome with Traveler and Cleveland.  It was pretty damn graphic and pretty damn enticing.  I was embarrassed to wake up all wet and writhing.  The weird part about this is that I have never consciously fantasized about being with two men, and now that I dreamed it, I can’t stop thinking about it and wondering why I haven’t fantasized about it before.


Tatuaje- Ballet Nacional de Ecuador

In the dream we were all just so… beyond physical friction.  It was a deeper more emotional thing… my men doing this for me, loving how excited they were making me, taking pleasure in me and me in them, my loving how they were making me feel and how I made them feel, and me lost in them, utterly and completely owned by them.  God.  I’m getting excited just thinking about it.  I told Cleveland about the dream and got so turned on just telling him that I had the dream, not even sharing details, that I came rubbing against his leg and begged him to fuck me.  I watched his face, lost in his breath and my own desire, and had this kind of rolling orgasm that was like waves crashing again and again and again.  I absolutely soaked my bed.  I’m not even sure you can say I squirted.  I think you’d have to say I gushed.  I masturbated this morning while thinking of last night, and while thinking of that dream.  Good Lord.  What has gotten into me!?!?

I have talked to both of my loves about sexual exploration.  They are both open-minded but I think this one might be a tough sell.  Cleveland at least liked the fantasy and my reaction to it, and I think may even be willing to consider it.  Traveler is such a wild card.  Some things he seems interested in trying or will try.  Some things he seems willing to humor, liking how much I’m into them.  Some things just aren’t his bag, but he accepts those and doesn’t seem judgmental about them.  So I think it’s safe to at least tell him my fantasy.  It’s unclear to me how he’d react to me having this dream, much less expressing a real interest in it.  I think he would not be interested but he surprises me all the time.

In the dream and my fantasy it’s not a thing that happens between Cleveland and Traveler, beyond how comfortable they are together.  I have fantasies about being with two bi men, much like my favorite FFM threesomes, but I’ve never really fantasized about being the pivot in a MMF threesome.  That’s odd even to me.  I don’t know why I haven’t.  Maybe it’s my occasional self slut-shame.

The thing about this that is just sending me over the moon is the idea of this passion with two men THAT I LOVE.  I can’t imagine the joy of opening the way I do with them and the sensations of them together, the dizzying pleasure of Cleveland’s breath on my pussy with Traveler’s cock in my mouth.  I almost shake at the fantasy of being filled with these men in every way I can be filled by them.  I want to touch and suck and feel and smell and lick and taste and connect with every part of them.  I want everything that I am at that moment to be about them, with them, in them, there at their pleasure and they at mine.

Traveler’s skin and Cleveland’s mouth

their kisses

their taste

his smoothness and his soft fuzziness

my hands in his hair and him sliding his body against my ass

knowing by the feel that those are his hands

watching his face

aching and fulfilled

his smell.. his body reacting

lost with him


and him

feeling his motions and his caress

giving all of it to him

my mouth, my hands, my lips, my tongue, my eyes, my mind, my pussy, my ass, my thighs, my skin

wanting more of him

opening for him… oh… God.

Blue Flame

I have to introduce a new character.  I’m going to call him Blue.  Someone else apparently blogged about or blogs about him and calls him Blue Flame, so I’m stealing it.  We’ll call him Blue for short.

blue flameI met Blue on OKC a while ago but we hadn’t yet met because he was traveling for work.  We talked a few times on OKC and a few times on Google Chat, and have been having fun getting to know a little about each other.  I think he seems to fit most squarely in the “potential actual friends with benefits with some potential if need be” category.  I like him.  He’s smart and fun to talk to. We’ve got good rapport and he seems genuinely interested in me as a human beyond my possession of a pussy.  He seems super interested in my possession of a pussy too.  Hehehe. Continue reading


A few weeks ago I was talking to a friend about rejection.  I was musing that it was really awful to go on a date and have to reject the person, and I found it odd that I haven’t been rejected yet.  As for my rejected suitors, it really is not often anything horrible about them… it’s just a lack of chemistry.  Sometimes they are perfectly wonderful people and I like them very much, but I’m just not attracted.  Sometimes they look really different from their online profile or they’re just not my physical type.  Every once in a while they are rude or douchebaggy, but it is usually just a missed connection.  I hate it.  I’ve met some really cool people.   Some of them have become friends and that’s pretty cool.

I found it odd that I haven’t been rejected.  Granted, I’m a girl.  I have not done much approaching of others, and therefore the people I am interacting with were largely self selected as people who at least found me attractive.  I had one guy that found me on AFF before I had pics, and then after I posted pics let me know that I just wasn’t his physical type.  No hard feelings.  It was a rejection but a nice, straightforward one.  I have zero problems with someone not being a fan of me because I am just not a body type or look or whatever that they are into.  There are LOTS of really hot people I just don’t dig on.  ImageJohn Stamos.  I have no idea why women say that man is so attractive.

ImageJason Stackhouse from True Blood.

He’s supposed to be this sexy guy and I just don’t see it.


I think Maggie Gillinhall is maybe the sexiest thing on two legs and some people think that’s odd.

ImageImageZooey DeChanel and John Cusack blow my skirt up.  Attraction and chemistry are fickle bitches.  (Weird.  It was hard to find a cute pic of John Cusack.  I think I like him more animated.  It’s not just his looks and it’s his mannerisms and voice and such too.

So, how odd is it that the week after I said this to my friend I got my first rejection.  Weird, right!?! Continue reading