The Evidence

I had that recent realization that I have to stop living in fear about my loves.  I remember telling a friend not too long ago, “I’m so happy I’m terrified”.  Ever get like that?  The thing is that I see silver linings all over the place and I’m a optimistic person, but.. but I’m often waiting for the other shoe to drop.

I don’t like admitting this about myself.  It’s not a thing I’m proud of.  But I’m betting I’m not the only one that does this and it’s a happiness and love killer.  I’m not saying that keeping your feet under you is a bad thing in adventures and love.  I’m not saying that heads in the clouds are bad.  I actually like these two things together.  I am saying that keeping my one foot out the door (just in case!) is a thing that makes me unhappy and hurts my relationships.  I’ve been feeding my insecurity.

Standing on the ground in red shoes

Standing on the ground in red shoes

This makes me think of something the character Rob said in High Fidelity-

Rob: “I can see now I never really committed to Laura. I always had one foot out the door, and that prevented me from doing a lot of things, like thinking about my future and… I guess it made more sense to commit to nothing. And that’s suicide. By tiny, tiny increments”. Continue reading