I had that recent realization that I have to stop living in fear about my loves. I remember telling a friend not too long ago, “I’m so happy I’m terrified”. Ever get like that? The thing is that I see silver linings all over the place and I’m a optimistic person, but.. but I’m often waiting for the other shoe to drop.
I don’t like admitting this about myself. It’s not a thing I’m proud of. But I’m betting I’m not the only one that does this and it’s a happiness and love killer. I’m not saying that keeping your feet under you is a bad thing in adventures and love. I’m not saying that heads in the clouds are bad. I actually like these two things together. I am saying that keeping my one foot out the door (just in case!) is a thing that makes me unhappy and hurts my relationships. I’ve been feeding my insecurity.
This makes me think of something the character Rob said in High Fidelity-
Rob: “I can see now I never really committed to Laura. I always had one foot out the door, and that prevented me from doing a lot of things, like thinking about my future and… I guess it made more sense to commit to nothing. And that’s suicide. By tiny, tiny increments”. Continue reading