a fish jumps into a new bowl with reeds
***edited for being insanely long***
I am a girl who finishes things. I wasn’t always. I was flighty and flaky and a little unreliable. I was mercurial, changing, watery. I made promises and couldn’t keep them. I changed my mind. I went another direction. I moved and tried this and abandoned it for that. I had a million jobs. I took on hobbies and then all but abandoned them. I was a construction worker, waitress, flower shop clerk, retail, business sales, green house, marketer, home health aid, gas station worker, video clerk, secretary, data entry person, a temp.
Trouble is.. I hurt people. I broke hearts. I didn’t do the things I wanted to do and said I’d do. I changed that about me and I discovered I was tenacious. I joined the Army and you don’t just leave the Army. I was somehow sent to an Army school I didn’t actually qualify for. So I ended up ill-prepared at a school that graduated 30% of it’s enrollees. EVERYONE there was more qualified. Most of them had degrees, and a few had more than one. Maybe some of the others were fuck-ups too, but they were all more qualified, and 60% of us would end up picking another career from a pool of careers the Army needed when we failed.
Some people gave up. I’d never failed anything because I’d been smart enough to fluff through. I had never actually tried hard at anything and here I was doing my damn-est and ending up barely making it. I mean I was SCRAMBLING and studying every night, learning how to study. I almost failed all of the written tests and aced the practicals and ended up eeking by. That I barely made it when smarter and more educated people left every month was ONLY because I cared way too much. Smart people gave up and picked other careers. I was the gummy stuff stuck to the bottom of the pot and that was simply not an option.
a fish jumps from a crowded bowl to a larger bowl with only one fish in it
I dug in my heels and I found out that I was pretty good at digging in my heels. I discovered a tenacity. I studied my ass off for that year of Army school and got help and graduated exactly center of my class. I was never so proud of average. And something changed in me. I was a person who finished things. I was a person that stuck.