Ouch! Beauty is Pain

lipstickToday was the second full day post genital piercings and um.. ouch.  The swelling and bruising is going down, but damn they are sensitive today.  I have this alien part of my brain that sometimes looks at stuff we humans do and thinks about it in wonder.

Women will sometimes go to great lengths to eat all organic and work out and avoid all of these things like BPA (which isn’t actually proven to be any kind of concern unless you boil things in plastic and then drink them) and then smear lots of chemicals on their lips and spread chemical nightmares with bat guano on their eyelashes.  The same women buy all silicone sex toys for safety and then slather them in chemicals to insert them into their vaginas.  People do crazy things.

People do crazy things like pay others lots of money to shove huge 10g needles through their labias and insert steel rings for beauty and sexual enhancement.  Yikes. Yeah. Today I’m feeling that.  I still love them and I’m still glad I did it and I waited a LONG time to make it happen, but yeah.. today the alien brain has much to contemplate.

The alien brain runs wild until I look at my gleaming rings, or until I step from the shower and feel their gentle weight and the way they make me aware of my warm and sensitive labia.  Then I get wet.  And then they hurt.  And I clean them and they ache a little in a not-so-good way (unless you come kiss me).

10g needleI’m glad I did it, but yeah.. today is a day when I just can’t stop thinking about the old phrase that always made me laugh- “beauty is pain”.  I scoffed at that.  I, who won’t wear uncomfortable clothing to be fashionable, who won’t spend an hour each morning doing my hair and make-up as so many women do, who refuses to dress up most of the time because it’s so damn uncomfortable, and who wears my comfy keen shoes almost every day almost all the time.  I scoff at a sexy sexy scratchy pair of panties and a stiff push up bra and daily hair rituals and 15 kinds of make-up.. and then I shove steel skewers through my genitals.  Yeah.  It’s healthy to scoff at yourself sometimes.

They’re beautiful and I love them, but today beauty is pain.

chemicals

If Lucy Had a Naughty Blog

I had this really funny experience last week.  I went to an SEO meet up with the Seattle SEO Network.  SEO stands for search engine optimization.  I went to learn about how to make my site more searchable and to improve my traffic.  I met nice people beforehand and I liked them even if I didn’t understand most of what they were saying.  🙂

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Seattle SEO Network Logo

We headed up to the meet up and found seats.  We were late, so we had to sit near the front and were kinda blocked in there.  A presenter was pulling up sites on this huge screen and members of the group (SEO professionals, people with websites that wanted help, and other assorted computer knowledge possessors and seekers) gave the websites the once over and suggested things people could do to improve them.  I took notes on the parts I vaguely understood or thought I could figure out later.

And then it was time.  Leave it to me to end up at an SEO meet-up where people were putting the sites up on a big screen and talking about them.  There I was with my red face and my ass 3-feet-wide on a screen.  I’d managed to hide my latest post and its warning that it was sexually explicit, but I wasn’t able to change or hide the picture of my ass.

So there I was with a big room full of computer professionals and my sex blog on a big screen.  I wanted the feedback and I want to learn, but… well… I had visions of low-crawling out of there, pretending to be sick, running screaming like a banshee.  “I Love Lucy” style antics ran through my head.  And then I had a thought.  I thought “so what”.  My ass had been viewed 55,000 times this year.  I had talked about all the little sexy things and worse yet, I had talked about falling in love and breaking up and my father’s death and my divorce.  I had shared all the ways I’m healing and all the little intricacies of falling in love.  I had shared that moment when Traveler and I had told each other we loved each other and when Cleveland had held me after I lost my dog.  I talked about my love and commitment for Quinky, Traveler’s other partner, and the family my deepest heart is making.  I had talked about everything I’m scared of and everything that happened in my love, sex and relationships.  So what if a room of strangers sees my ass and knows what my blog is about, or will find out?  So what?

As Quinky quoted back to me, this is the year of me becoming okay once and for all with my sex shit.

I suppose it was a sign of how far I’d come.  I thought to myself at the time, “chin up.  Be a bold sex blogger or pretend to be one”.  I took a deep breath and acted like I was unfazed.  I smiled and pretended it was the most natural thing in the world to expose myself this way, with my own face.  And you know, it wasn’t so bad.  They gave me tips to improve my traffic, most of which I didn’t understand and haven’t been able to implement, but still.  I have notes and can learn to do them eventually.

There is another meet up my friend told me about where people go to learn about wordpress and little tricks and tips and skills.  I’ve decided to learn more about this stuff so I can do more of what I want and be more independent as a blogger and podcaster.  If it takes being a bold sex blogger, well, so be it.  Maybe eventually I’ll put my face on this thing.  You never know.

Search Terms 4!

unicorn hunterPolyamory- I am glad people are searching this, and more and more all the time.  It’s the practice of multiple loving relationships.  There are a lot of configurations people take with this.  People in couples, triads, quads, moresomes.  There are couples always searching for that hot-bi-babe to date them both.  Ahh.. variety.  (Note.. the “unicorn” aka “hot bi babe” hunters are mostly new.  🙂

Nerdy Seattle Poly Posse, NSPP- This is a group of hot nerdy poly folks that have long threads that are generally jacked by talk of totally unrelated and entertaining things in a lair of awesomeness.  Many of them are kinky, or funny, or pedantic.  Eh… two outta three ain’t bad.  They have a zillion events and somehow, they let me in.  (happy skittery dance!)molly shannon

Making a life-There is something about the rebirth or the reinvention you go through after a big change.  I didn’t want to do this, but life’s like that sometimes and you don’t always get what you want.  Now, having said that.. I decided at some point to make use of the the good in the situation and rebuild.  I keep thinking of the 6 million dollar man intro.. we can build it stronger.. faster.. better.. we have the technology!  I don’t know about all that, but I know that I like the life I’m creating. I’m finding a lot of love, some great friendship, some adventure and comfort and fun.  I’m traveling and trying new things and exploring, and I’m keeping the good things and taking the lessons.  It’s hard and it’s sad.  There is really no way around that.  But it’s good too.  It’s actually really good.

VCH piercing/hood piercing –I have a few piercings now and I would like some more.  I have my cartilage in my ear, my nose, my nipples and a vertical clit hood.  They are pretty and some are functional.  My nipple piercings are slowly slowlybarbell healing and they’ve been really fun for some time now.  They are just so much fun.  The clit hood though, I have to admit, is pretty amazing.  It provides direct clitoral stimulation from a lot of fun stuff, like everything.  Um.. yes please.

I want to pierce my pussy –Then you should.  It’s wonderful.  I didn’t because “he” didn’t like them, and I regret that.  I especially regret that after months of verbal abuse and a sound dumping.  Now I have the vertical clit hood piercing and I plan to get 6 labia piercings too.  It’s my pussy and I’m gonna pierce it.  So fuck you.  (oh.. no.. not YOU)

Narcissistic Threesome Request –Say no.  Unless it’s with the Narcissist.  Mmmmmm.  Threesomes are best with a little genuine affection and trust and connection and/or with a whole lotta passion.  Have a threesome because YOU want to and the people you are with want to and never for any reason other than that.

morgan freeman talking in sleepWhy is Morgan Freeman’s voice so amazing –I think I answered this, but what the hell.  It’s amazing because it’s clear and silky and deep.  It sounds wise and at the same time warm and welcoming.  It’s a caramelly goodness.

kropserke leelooPoly girl blog –You found it.  I’m a poly girl and this is my blog.

Poly chic blog – you found it.  I’m a poly chick.  Yes I am fine with the term chick too even if I’m a feminist.  I’m an old school feminist.  That means I was one before it was a super bad word.

Polycamp 2013 –It was really fun.  It was in Millersylvania park and have camping, workshops, skinny dipping (oops!), games, food and fun.  My little murder (minus 1) went and had a great time.

Bandage sex –it’s been a while since this led you folks here.  I wrote a post about sex as a bandage and balm.. or a comfort.  And you know… it is.

When fisting, how far can you push your arm? –She’s not a cow and you aren’t pulling out a calf.  She has a cervix that will stop you or should stop you.  Let her push against you more than you push against her to avoid hurting her cervix.  Basically though.. just to the wrist.

Fisting shaking –is this like Sanford and Son’s dad shaking his fist at the world?  Or Homer Simpson?  Or is it about the lovely shaking of a nervous system after mind-blowingly amazing orgasms from a fisting?  Stop making that face.  It’s awesome and no… my pussy is not at all roomy.sanford

Casualthreesomes –it’s like a formal threesome with less pomp and circumstance.  Just kidding.  Of course you can have casual threesomes.  I’d try swing clubs maybe?  I’ll let you know.  I’m hitting my first this weekend.

Bah sex -You m’dear are having the wrong kind of sex.  Sex is lovely.  If yours is bah, then try new stuff.  Experiment.  Read and watch things online.  Do not consult Cosmo.  Play and find what you like.  Get a little weird.

Frog shut up i’m still talking –I believe what you were looking for is Risperidone. frog riding beetle  How Do You Rebuild Chondroblast? –Aww.  I’m sorry you wound up here you nice scholarly soul.  You were looking for a nice thing about healing bone and found a post (click that for a link) I wrote about healing from a heartbreak.  I’m kinda proud of that one though, so I’m secretly pleased..

tentacleJapanese Favorite Porn –I think it’s called Hentai,  and it’s catching on here too.  In a recent survey a few states had it in their top 3 porn searches and requests. Tentacle porn.  Weird.

Polyamory dating –It’s like regular dating except with more people, more safe sex discussions, more discussions in general, more OK Cupid.com, and more scheduling, often with Google Calendar.busy calendar

 My favorite porn –I don’t have any porn here or know your favorite.  My favorite porn does not necessarily indicate my real life attractions.  My favorites are sex machines, gang bangs, electrical play, submissive stuff, anal, amateur, and real lesbian and gay porn, and male masturbation.  I prefer movies.  I like some erotica writing but usually search more for movies.  Most of my favorites are favorites because they look more real.  I like when people stop looking pretty and look like they are fucking.

Sexblogging –I blog about sex here a lot.  I blog about love and relationships too.  Yep.  Sex.  Love.  Relationships.

Open relationship blog – I blog about open relationships mostly.

Boyfriend fucked –mm… I like fucking my boyfriends.

bride kick groom

Character defective husband –Heh.  Yeah.  I had one of those.  Eh.  I’m not perfect either.  Letter to a Traveler –I wrote a letter to Traveler a short while ago.  I was all open-hearted and mushy.  I felt like a total tool and sent an apology for it a day later thinking it must have come off as pretty weird.  He replied that it was a really nice email and I secretly vowed not to ever do that to myself again.  EEK.  Being a big old expressive mush monster sucks.  I’m not a fan of vulnerable.  Being out there is the breeze blows little dogs.

unicorn 2Okcupid pollys dream – A single poly girl’s ad that says she loves couples and doesn’t say she is really too busy to date?

Sexy mishaps –These are funny.  I did a blog about them and meant to add more and never did.  The most recent one was when I used a cock ring and then accidentally snapped him in the balls really hard with it when I was trying to take it off.  Whoopsie!

screaming-manName something you’d be excited about spotting in the ocean –Seriously.. HOW is this still bringing a bunch of people here and why are they searching for that anyway?

Epic sex date –I can’t pick one.  I really can’t.  I am honestly the luckiest chick on the planet.

Used cld cunts –I am not dignifying that.  Tool.

Watches him get massage –I’d do it.  I like the idea of watching my boyfriends do a lot of sensual and sexy things or doing them with them.  I like to watch and be watched.

Relationship escalator –This is a really cool blog post by someone vastly more talented than I.

Polyamory groups –Your best bets to find these is by looking them up on meetup.com in your area or checking with your local sex positive club or whatever.  I’d also try searching for your city’s name and the word polyamory.  If all that fails, find something in your town that is firefly or doctor who related.  Yeah.  They’ll be there.  deviant art firefly Men who don’t sow oats –Non-farmers it is!  Just kidding.  There are lots of guys who don’t really do the whole sowing oats thing.  There’s lots of guys who crave relationships and connection and such and are NOT into sowing type stuff.  If you want that, then say so.

Whole hand fisting –is there another kind?

Why cant i stick my hand all the way in when fisting?–Use lube.  Get her really excited.  Keep her really excited.  Play..and maybe even get her to come a bit before you try to push in.  Help her relax and then push.  It may take a few times.  It’s okay.   A fisting attempt is as lovely as a fisting success.  It fits.  I swear it does.

Sticking needle nipple -Piercing?  Needle play?  I’m down.

Fuck cheaters –No thanks.  YOU fuck cheaters.  I’ve worked too long and hard to be open and honest than to give it up now.  I’ve NEVER been down with OPP, and never felt good about anything that violated that.

Crazyclickdating -Umm?

burning manCamping Sexparty –I get the impression that Burning Man style events are like that.

Wives fucking in Seattle –I would generally prefer my wife put out too.

I fucked all my boyfriends friends –If It was consensual I am in total support.  Did he watch?  I like slutty.slut

How can I fuck my boyfriend good ? –Ask him.  He might tell you.  Tell him some stuff you like to “prime the pump”.  Maybe even ask while you’re both turned on.

Why does my boyfriend think he really sounds like Morgan Freeman? –Because  he either does or he’s delusional?

Wow chick.com –I’ve never heard of it.  No idea how it got you here.

Where can i find websites about BDSM? You are a creep –What a weird search and weird that you ended up here.  I am not a creep.  I do have some BDSM stuff here.  Welcome.

Is cheating pretty much fucking? –Depends who you ask.  I think you can cheat without fucking.  I think cheating is about lying and sneaking and intent and that kind of betrayal can be accomplished without sex, in my book.

Dating podcast Seattle –Yay!  I do have some dating podcast posts on here.  I hope you liked them!

podcast

Hungarian you can use

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Budapest is home to 1.7 million people, many of them little cunts. And a lot of those little cunts play with dolls. Just saying’

Talking with Cleveland, I asked if he knew the Hungarian word for pussy.  I’m classy.  What can I say?  I always ask when I hear you know a  language other than English.  He’s Hungarian.  He thought a moment and said “I never learned the word for pussy”.

I was incredulous.  He’s a native speaker!  What do you mean?  He said “my mom never told me the Hungarian word for pussy”.  Well.. sure.  That makes sense.  I asked him for the word for vagina.  He didn’t know that either.  I asked what his mom called it and he said she just never referred to it.  People are strange.  Can you imagine never referring to a vagina?  I asked, “you never even had to talk about like.. not kicking little girls in the vagina?”  That cracked me up.  Thinking about that later, it cracked me up that this was my example, as though this is something naughty little boys are always doing.

So.. I looked up the Hungarian words for pussy.  Hilarious.  Read the description.

——–
Pina- vagina, pussy.  I wouldn’t use it in a Biology class.
Picsa -Cunt.  Note, VERY offensive, unless used among friends or qualified by “kis” as in “kis picsa” (little cunt) which may refer endearingly to a little girl.
Punci -(noun) Pussy. Note, A playful name of vagina. Also means girl.

Oh.. little cunts are made of sugar and spice and everything nice…

Cleveland said “I have a deeper appreciate for the language.  It’s either really open-minded or just plain misogynistic”.  Awesome.  :-P

Sexy Mishaps!

Had those times during your sexy times that you gaffed and then laughed and laughed!?  Me too!  I figured I’d share a couple of funny gaffs in my sexy times and see if you’d share some of yours too.

I got this idea from the comments of a reader on one of my other posts.

I need a laugh, so I’ll show you mine.  Will you show me yours?  The following are injuries, scars, oops and whoops while having sex.  Good times!

1) My first is the explanation of a scar.  A dude named Tremaine (strapping Canadian fellow) has a scar right between his eyes that I accidentally gave him.  See, I was giving him head in my living room while my roommate was asleep.  I was really getting into it and he was really getting into it and we were kinda feeding off of each other.  It got pretty heated.  He was grabbing the carpet below him and grabbing around a little.. his body responding.. then he got stock still for a bit and I stopped and looked up.. his face was COVERED in blood.  He said “what.. oh man.. keep going…”.  I must have looked horrified because he suddenly seemed to realize he was bleeding and checked it with his fingers and realized his condition.  I jumped up and grabbed his shirt and was just pressing it to his head when my sleepy roommate entered and then screamed.  Apparently in our fervor we’d knocked over this tall wooden giraffe statue thing and the muzzle had hit him right between his eyes.  It had made a racket neither of us had noticed.  He’d known he was hit and it had hurt, but he’d been really liking that head.. so.. he’d kinda recovered.  The funniest part was that we were both still naked and laughing about this with my roommate for a minute before my roomy and I noticed his dick swelling.. looking at her and then me..

My roomie huffed, spun on her heel and stalked off.  I laughed.  “Wrong answer there hero.”  Dang.. I have to run.. well.. I’ll comment with more later.  Show me yours!!!

Search Terms Again!!

So, these are the terms people searched to find me.  I deleted a few I’ve already addressed in previous search terms posts.  I hope you like them.

You mateimages

No, you mate.  I don’t really have sex on command.  Okay.. sometimes I do, for very special people.  🙂

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