It’s Complicated

It’s always complicated. Isn’t it?

What is this thing between us? How many millions of ways do we ask this? Does he like me? What does she want? What is happening here? There really aren’t enough words and there are far too many.

 

  • friends with benefits
  • husband
  • friend
  • metamours
  • lovers
  • vixen
  • stag
  • cuckold
  • Dom
  • ex
  • boyfriend
  • unicorn
  • fuck buddy
  • paramour
  • sister wife
  • beau
  • fiance
  • significant other
  • bull
  • cuckquean
  • partner
  • primary
  • side chick
  • play partner
  • protector
  • swing circle
  • knight
  • special friend
  • anchor
  • secondary
  • great love
  • main squeeze
  • baby daddy
  • sugar daddy
  • Dom Daddy
  • baby mama
  • boytoy
  • little
  • my little secret
  • beard

Just scratching the surface really.

 

 

Starting the NEW blog

 

Some years ago we started asking ourselves questions. Does monogamy actually work for us? What does it mean if we want to touch other people? Have sex with other people? Have relationships or even love for more than one person?  Would having an orgasm with someone somehow erase what I have with this other person? Would it really?

Could I have sex with others?  Could people I care about have sex with others and we’d still be us?  What if I loved more than one person? At the time I was married, and swinging appealed to me. I had wanted to be a swinger pretty much since I’d learned about what it was. My husband at the time and I discussed it. He was interested at first, but quickly realized he would rather have relationships with others, and we learned about and became poly. And well.. I’m not going to lie. For a lot of reasons, not all of them polyamory, my marriage exploded.

But I was here and I was still poly. I had the capacity and interest in relationships with more than one person at a time. And over the years I had these polyamorous relationships. The most people I was ever dating at once was four, and I do not recommend it. It’s exhausting and basically I was always disappointing somebody.

I read and read and blogged and blogged and lived and talked and tried, and found that hierarchies weren’t for me. I didn’t like primaries and secondaries and never did. Even my husband and I when we first opened up felt that this wouldn’t work for us.  This doesn’t mean that my existing relationships and long term loves don’t have priority with me or that they don’t matter. I am very into honoring commitments and the investment of love and time and experience.  But I liked anyone I dated to be a whole person and to not be arbitrarily forever limited, no matter what, because someone met someone first. This is long and hard to explain. We’ll come back to it.

So.. I’ve been polyamorous for 5 years. And over the years I’ve had occasion to explore, my sexuality, life and all kinds of things. I’ve discovered I’m still interested in swinging and joined a club. I’ve also discovered I’m kinky, and explored that a little bit too. And over time I just kinda discovered that I didnt’ need and didn’t fit super neatly into any tiny box.

Like most humans, I’m complicated. I’m guessing so are you.

So finding myself at need to create a new blog for a variety of reasons I thought about the next chapter. What did I want to write? It wasn’t going to be just a blog on polyamory. And it wasn’t a blog just on swinging. Or a blog even just on dating.

Love, Sex and Relationships have always interested me and are fodder for an infinite stream of thought. It’s also a stream for profound connection and I’ve made so many friends here on this journey of ethical non-monogamy, of honest open relating. And it occurred to me this new little blog could be something else.

I could have blogs on all of these open sex and love and relationships, and could invite a friend to contribute here and there too. We could have interviews and podcasts and links. In non-monogamy, in so many ways we are all defining for ourselves what any of these words and labels mean, and how they fit us, if at all.  And we’re the architects of the connections we are creating. And that’s beautiful but it’s scary and difficult too. And I learn a lot from my friends, and hope you do too.

There’s a weird thing that happens when we start asking ourselves all of these questions. We find and create the love and sex and relationships we crave, and we walk off of the path that doing things the way we were told to creates.  I have found the blogger community so informative and supportive. Starting this new broader blog, I hope that continues.

However you got here and whatever brings you, welcome. I hope to hear from you in comments or emails or on facebook or twitter or any of the other places.

I’m so excited at this next chapter. Here’s to open love and sex and relationships. Here’s to new blogs.

– Thanks for reading!

Holly

It's is the Point

Boss and I hit the “Bondage is the Point” party at the center.  This includes frank talk of sex and kink.  😉

First.. a tiny aside.. happy happy sigh.  Traveler had a little unexpected free time tonight and asked if I’d like to do dinner and WoW.  Yes please.  It was a quiet little night and I loved it.  I always love it.  I said to Quinky Girl the other day (and sounded like a greeting card) that the most precious thing we give each other is time.  I revel in it.  I’m so grateful.  I’m so fucking happy.  I could not be more grateful.  Seriously.  Getting to see more of Cleveland, and more of Traveler and having a sexy sexy date with Boss!?!?  I’m just gushing over here.  Gushing.  See what I did there?

WoW woodsI just got home from Traveler’s and I’m sated and languid.  We talked and laughed over dinner at our favourite place, played our game, snuggled and called it a night and I couldn’t be happier if we’d had the most epic date ever.  I just love being with him.  I loved working in his yard this past weekend and talking while we did dishes and made dinner.  I loved holding him and sleeping tangled in a ball.  I loved playing WoW.  I loved being overcome with passion.  I love everything we do.  Okay.. okay.. enough of that.  I’m sorry.  I’m just so fucking happy.  I’m reluctant to repeat this gushiness here with Cleveland, but it is there too.  I fall deeper deeper deeper….

Now, on to the promised kinky fun.  🙂

Boss and I had missed seeing each other on a couple of occasions and I’d been looking forward to our date.  The party that night was the “Bondage is the Point” party.  The description said “no impact” and talked about bondage kinda being the point.  Neither Boss nor I are super bondage people (though as it turns out he is actually very good at it).  You gotta love that he’s that good at his weak point.   Continue reading

Looking Forward

I have done a fair bit of thinking about the idea of policing what I write… and you know… the problem with if it’s done not in moderation is that is that then this becomes a completely useless blog.  It’s not an outlet for me, and the people who do get something out of it get nothing and even then I could likely say some innocuous thing that will upset SOMEONE.  Someone won’t like to read about kink or someone will think it bad of me to talk about sex or think the idea of multiple relationships in the first place is offensive.  I CAN’T please everyone, even if I try.  I can work to be considerate and to learn, but I’m not sure that writing so that I never offend anyone is a good goal.

I can of course try to be careful not to communicate by blog.  I can talk to people the are affected before anything goes in here.  I can avoid details sharing info that isn’t mine to share.  I can talk about me and my life.  I can ask permission to talk about people.  I can give warnings at the beginning of potentially upsetting posts to people who would like not to read certain things and I’m willing to be careful not to write too much about some topics.  I totally can police myself, but I think I also need to do that in moderation or what’s the fucking point?  Why would I write a blog at all?  I can be careful, but to a certain degree it’s impossible to write anything remotely useful and at the same time say anything.

So here goes.  I’m gonna talk about sexy plans and gush on a little in happiness.  Be advised.

Image

Continue reading

Sleep Over

Some frank talk of sex.. just letting you know.  🙂

I had my first sleepover with Boss this weekend.  It was his first sleep over in a long time and my first with a new partner in a long time and our first together.  I think we were both really nervous and hoping certain things didn’t happen and excited that others could.  When he raised the idea at first I said I didn’t think it was a good idea and then I changed my mind.  And then I changed it back, and changed it again.

In the end, I talked to him about it and we seemed cool.  He wasn’t suggesting staying over as some big step or proclimation of love.  When I said it was “too relationshippy” to sleep with someone he said “Well, only if we actually sleep though, right?”.  He was kidding, but the humour helped.  We set up the overnight.  He brought stuff and made a very delicious dinner and we chatted comfortably and enjoyed some time before our party. In his typical straight-forward way (that I totally enjoy), he said “I think we should relax with some good sex before the party”.

I had to laugh at that.  We had plans to go to a kinky sex party and he wanted to have sex beforehand.  Huzzah!  We laughed and talked and made my blog picture, and settled in my room.  We kissed and teased a bit before he turned me over gruffly and spanked my ass. Yay!  I got deeply into sucking his cock, to lovely lovely effect, and was left ridiculously excited and he helped me out.  🙂 Heh.

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Magic

We missed our kink class, so this one has some frank sex..  Just letting you know.  🙂

A bunch of us planned to hit a kinky technique class at the local club last night, but it was cancelled due to the instructor being sick.  It happens.  So Traveler and I kissed our loves and friends goodnight and pondered what to do.  We were all gussied up.  We thought maybe we’d start out with cocktails and dessert since we’d wolfed down some tacos thinking we had to hurry to class.  After some talk we decided we’d grab some port and chocolate and have our little evening at my house.  I admitted I was a little disappointed that the kinky fun wouldn’t be happening and Traveler reminded me that we could have kinky fun all on our own.  Hilariously we’d just discussed who might cuff whom when Quinky Girl suggested in her text that maybe one of us could tie the other up.  Oh great minds!  Huzzah! Continue reading

Zappy!

Boss and I hit the Myself! party at the kink club again this past weekend.  If it’s not obvious, this one is gonna have some explicit sex.  😉 APTOPIX Summer StormThe Myself! party is a masturbation friendly sex and bdsm party.  Pretty much anything the club allows is allowed, and all the areas are open for watching and playing.  So, we marked another introduction off of my bucket list.  Earlier that night I was thinking “why did I schedule a date for the night after I moved!?!?!”.  I was exhausted.  I’d spent all of Saturday moving and unpacking until about 9pm.  Then I’d spent all of Sunday unpacking and getting some items from my ex-husband’s house.  Everything was sore.  Even my fingers hurt.  I wanted to cancel because I could not imagine having the energy to be sexy, but I decided to go, knowing I’d have a great time if I went. Funny how some sexy energy can make you rally.  😀 Continue reading