Podcast 13 – Get Quinky!

On the podcast, this episode 13, we “Get Quinky”!  We interview and out Traveler’s other partner as the sexy poly blogger girl, Quinky Girl of blogspot.  Download it or stream it on your computer, tablet, or phone for free.  Listen to it here.

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We talk about polyamory, PTSD, kink, metamours, open marriage, long term poly, polyaffective relationships, courtly love, jealousy, insecurity and more.  🙂

And Quinky’s blog is here.

Books We Talked About:

The Polyamorists Next Door: Inside Multiple-Partner Relationships and Families by Elisabeth Sheff

The Erotic Mind: Unlocking the Inner Sources of Passion and Fulfillment by Jack Morin

He Went There With Me

**Hey there reader.  This one is about a wonderful date and includes some descriptive talk of a date and sex with Traveler.  Just helping you make informed decisions.  M’kay?**

toy suitcaseTraveler and I had a date last night.  It was to be our only date in a three week period because of traveling schedules not aligning.  Damn you December.  I’ve been missing him something fierce.  It was really hard to be in Chicago and come home knowing we were kinda slapping hands midair as I flew home and he flew out.  I found myself pining for him.  Traveler’s wife was a total fucking gem and invited me over before she and I were to go out to have yummy dinner together and give me a chance to kiss Traveler really quick when he got home and before he went on his date with Peaches Friday night.  I got to see him and get a few hugs and kisses and we sent him off.  She and I had the loveliest evening as we ate her delicious stuffed squash and hit this magical cocktail bar in Capitol Hill.  There’s something fucking awesome about dishing with your gals.

So with Traveler, it was hard to wait till he got here for our date on Sunday.  I had the house completely to myself for the evening, a lovely rarity.  He had to take care of some things at home and I was itching for him to get here.  I greeted him at the door all gussied up in thigh-highs, garters, fuck me pumps, a verrrrrrry short school-girl skirt, an unbuttoned sweater, and lacy unmentionables.  He was very appreciative.  I kissed and hugged and squeezed him so tight and he ran to shower quickly.  toy shoesI poured the wine and met him with candles and music and pet his warm fresh skin.  We lay on the bed together and caught up a little.  I gave him a heads up about the bruises he would find.  He seemed amused and happy for me, and asked me to tell him about it, so I did.  He smiled and laughed with me, with my embarrassment and joy, as I told him about my night with Boss.  When I was done, he kissed me deeply as he teased me, with me still clothed in my little outfit.  I asked him if he was trying to make me cum because he had me so close, and he said naughtily “maybe…”.  I came a few times before I could even get my outfit off.  I don’t know what got into him!

We put down a towel, because it was clear he’d make me make a mess.  Um.  Yes please.  He proceeded teasing and tantalizing me, touching me and playing and exploring with me in all the ways he knows I love, from the sweet to the intense, and I came and came and came, surprised at him. toy leia I asked him, between his ministrations, what had gotten into him and he said “this is what you hoped for with that outfit, isn’t it?”.  Well, no.  I’d just hoped for some yummy passionate sex.  I hadn’t dreamed he’d play me like a fiddle!  I told him I’d wear ANYTHING HE WANTS.  I was already a puddle of sweat and flood and tingling nerves when he finally fucked me, so deep and lingering and so well.  I was jelly by the time we finished.  My nerves were singing too loudly to work well together any more.  We held each other and shook and kissed for a while.

Our starvation took over after a while and I made him dinner and we talked about all kinds of things.  It was a good conversation, clearing the air.

toy dinner

And then the most miraculous thing happened.  We were washing dishes and kibitzing.  He said he thought Boss had been to his OKCupid and I showed him Boss’s pic.  (They are both straight.  I am assuming this is curiosity).  He asked about Boss’s “situation” and I told him the layout as I knew it of Boss’s relationships.  I mentioned that the members of Boss’s house have their own rooms but tend to stay with each other, and he said he’d like that.  I held my breath as he explained that if he had the money he thought it’d be nice if he and the people he lived with could each have their own rooms, and then have a room that is just for the people in the house.. kind of a sacred space.  He talked about his thoughts for that room.  There was something about him talking about “the people” he’d live with that touched me.  Currently he lives only with his wife.  He has mentioned in the past that they’ve talked about the possibility of cohabitation with others, and he and I have talked about things like the realm of possibility for our relationship, but he was talking about what he’d like with the people he was going to live with and talking about the thoughts he had about how they’d do it.  It sounded like something that would happen, even if the details were still totally open.  I said “Don’t be scared, but it makes me really happy that you are talking about this”.

He smiled and kept washing.  He said it was obviously something he thinks about with me, living together and being a family.  He said he thought it made sense for us to live together not just for romantic reasons, though of course there are lots of those.  He told me a few.  He said, “you know there are good practical reasons for us to live together too, and to be a family”, and he told me some of those too.  I must have looked like kid on Christmas morning.  I was overjoyed.

homeI don’t want to get married again, but I would like to be a family, when I’ve had more time to heal, to have the people that I care about and that care about me together in some way.  Traveler’s wife and I have talked about our tribe and our people.  It was just so nice to hear Traveler talking about our little family too, and that he included me in it.  We were talking about things that are far away and we weren’t making any decisions or plans, obviously, but it was  such a heartening thing to hear my sweet man talking in a concrete way about these things with me.  I had been grasping my dishtowel, listening, and went to him and hugged him hard from behind.

We weren’t making promises or saying how it would look, but we were saying openly that we wanted it.  It wasn’t abstract.  He was talking about me and I was talking about him and we were acknowledging the family we are making and talking about little dreams we might have about it.  He was braver or bolder than I am and I’m really grateful.  I like the idea of some day.  I love that he went there.

I’m getting to see him Tuesday too after a work thing.  It won’t be a big old date, and will likely be 20 mins of snuggling followed by sleeping in his arms, but I WILL TAKE IT.  Happy.  Just happy.

Black and Blue

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**I thought this posted yesterday, but it actually saved as a draft, so today will be a two-fer.  Just a heads up too.. skip if graphic talk of sex and kink with Boss would be unwelcome.  Thanks!**

First a few little housekeeping details… I saw Rollergirl last night for the Roller Derby meet and we had a nice visit.  She and my ex Hubby have broken up.  I knew this was coming.  They have both told me they wanted to break up with the other for weeks now.  They like and care about each other and there were lots of good things, but there was lots of bad too on both sides and their being together was just really unhealthy.  They had reasons that were more about now and reasons that were more about incompatibility, but I still think it was hard.  I thought it would take longer than it did. I feel the tiniest bit vindicated somehow, but I really do feel bad for both of them.  I think it’s healthy and they both seem to think it’s healthy too that they broke up, but endings aren’t fun and despite it all I still love them and therefore don’t wish them to be unhappy.  Hubby and I divorcing, RollerGirl and I broken up, and Hubby and Rollergirl finally breaking up with each other is a sucky end.   It is what it is.  I hope some day he’ll be better.  I hope RollerGirl and I are too.  There are lots of good things I miss about him as a person, and it’d be nice to be friends.  You never know.  Someday…

But on to better things.  I went to the black and blue party last night with Boss.  It was a bunch of firsts for me.

I’ve never been to the black and blue party, though I have wanted to go.  I love impact play.  By impact play I mean being spanked and flogged and hit with things.  We met beforehand at this amazing little neighborhood place called Essex.  They have ridiculously good drinks and make a bunch of stuff there themselves.  So after a quick drink and some delicious cauliflower toasts we hit the club.

When we arrived people were already playing and there was some nice grindy blues on the sound system.  We greeted friends and got situated in the center of the play space.  I was excited and nervous.  I’ve been to a lot of events and had a few dabblings, but this was my first time playing playing with Boss and my first time really playing at the club.  Boss opened his bag and explored things with me, and it was my first time with some of that stuff too.

whipHe had a few single tale whips, which excited and scared me.  I like the idea of some delicious pain, but I didn’t know if I was ready for straight up whipping.. turns out I needn’t have worried.  He had canes and a loop fabric thing with a handle and metal shot filling, and paint stir-sticks and gags.  He had me ask for what I wanted, which I was slightly ready for since he’d told me he would.  I wanted all of it, except maybe the gags, and I managed to pick a few things.  It’s uncomfortable to ask for what I want.  I have this especially with kink, where I feel like I’m asking him to do a lot of work to please me and I’m not totally clear that it’s not a selfish wish of mine.  I have the same difficulty asking people to eat my pussy or give me a back rub or whatever.  I don’t want to ask him to do something he doesn’t want to do.

We got set up and he said “take off whatever you are comfortable taking off”.  Oh man.  I asked him to kiss me.  He did.. a little… and said I’d get more when I took more off.  Oi Vey.  I took off my pants.. kiss kiss.  I took off my shirt.. kiss kiss kiss.  And he pulled me to him and kissed me deeply and pushed himself against me as he unhooked and removed my bra.  Sizzle. bra unhook

We began to play, so slowly and lightly at first.  We kissed here and there and had intense eye contact as he lightly cropped me.. here and there.. dancing on my skin.. warming.  We started with me facing him, facing out into the room, and I was very cognizant of the people watching and of my nakedness at first.  It was a delicious fear.  It excited me to be watched, to watch him, to gauge his facial expressions and briefly flick my attention to the crowd here and there until the sensations increased and I forgot they were present.  My body warmed and my skin sang and I got wetter and wetter as he teased me and tantalized me and built…so.. very… slowly.

He surprised me too in these little fits, when he pressed himself against me, kissed me, and when we let me reach and stroke his cock.  He smiled and gave me a sort of low laugh as I squeezed him, pleased.  He kept it fairly light, since it was our first time together and I’m still so new, but he left me some excellent reminders.  I’m guessing he’s working up.  It’s a good plan.

grabbing sheetI’m a little sore, and I’m bruised fairly well on my breasts and thighs from the cane, but I like it.  It’s a little delicacy to have flashes back to last night.  His hands, him grinding against me, the thud and sting and snap, and his taste come to me in little bursts.  I like to be reminded of the lick of his whip and of grasping the bed with my white knuckles while I flooded, and the pounding grinding aching delight of the back room.  I like the smile I get thinking of making him tingle with my fingertips on his skin and of the warmth of wrapping myself around him after, not wanting to let go and not feeling like I had to.

Cleveland asked me already how last night went because he was so compersive and felt such joy at the idea of me having naughty fun.  It’s a rare treat to get to enjoy his pleasure at my pleasure.  I think I’m starting to believe he really isn’t going to be mean or spiteful or accusatory.  I’m starting to get that he really might be okay, and that if he ever isn’t, maybe he’ll talk to me about it like a human being and we’ll work it out.

I don’t know what Traveler will say about the marks.  We have a date tonight.  He surprises me all the time, but he’s usually so supportive of the exploits of me and his wife and Peaches.  A few times when I’ve had a bruise here or there he’s guessed its origin, smiled, and said something like “very nice” before he fucked me silly.  I don’t know if it’s just that he knows how I feel about him and how he rocks me and therefore he doesn’t have cause for insecurity or that he’s just so happy with what makes the women he is with happy that it doesn’t matter, or maybe even just that he’s used to how well things run so well with him and his wife, but generally I feel like he’s in my corner and he celebrates whatever my successes are.  If he shocks me and needs reassurance or love or whatever I’ll give it gladly.

Ah, but it’s time to get ready.  Time to go shower and enjoy the view of my delicious reminders.  🙂

Quinky Girl Understands "Too Much"

I read this post by Quinky Girl at Blogspot.  It’s called The Mystery of Medusa.  Holy shit.  Holy Shit. 

ImageI said to her:

“Holy shit.  Printing.  I can’t believe someone said it.  I can’t believe someone gets “too much” and all the layers of it.  I simply can’t explain too much.  I get twisted and don’t have the words and it comes out weaker and stronger than I mean it and with all the wrong emphasis.  You’re right that the particulars are different, but that the feelings are similar.  I saw my thoughts and feelings in so much of what you wrote.  It’s been a year of coming to terms with “too much” again.  I thought this was one I had licked.  I grew so much with it and at first I was exhausted to find myself here again, but I see it’s a journey with me.  I’m not in the same place, but I am on the same path or digging in the same vein or whatever.  I like the growth but I don’t always like the process.  I accept it, but it’s not comfortable.  That’s okay.  My life is not about being as comfortable as I can be.  Thank you for digging this up and posting it”.

Fugees – Killing Me Softly

I felt all flushed with fever, embarrassed by the crowd.
I felt he’d found my letters and read each one out loud.
I prayed that he would finish, but he just kept right on.

Strumming my pain with his fingers.
Singing my life with his words.
Killing me softly with his song.
Killing me softly with his song.
Telling my whole life with his words.
Killing me softly.

He sang as if he knew me in all my dark despair.
And then he looked right through me as if I wasn’t there.
But he was there, this stranger, singing clear and loud.

 

Enjoying Myself at "Myself!", the kinky play party

Sweetnesses- If you date or love me or just don’t wanna read about sexy times with others, skip this one.  Muah!

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I attended Myself! for the first time tonight with Boss, on our first ever play date.  I got nervous beforehand and did this thing I often do before a big date.  I didn’t want to go.  It’s not that I actually don’t want to go.  It’s that I get nervous.  It occurs especially when it’s a first time”sexy type” date.  I get all excited and look forward the date, and then all of a sudden it’s here and I feel like there is pressure and I don’t want to go because “What did I do? Setting an expectation for sex!?”.  I’m a weirdo.  I went and was happy to go, but on the way there I was nervous.  I’ve talked to Boss quite a bit though and I knew I actually wanted to go and that whatever happened it’d be a good time.  He seems like a genuinely good person and I’m quite sure it would have been no problem at all if I’d said I didn’t feel like having sex.  Feeling like I could say no at any time conversely made me want to have sex again.  Like I said, I’m a weirdo.

The Myself party is a masturbation-friendly party that has morphed into this really cool party with lots of things and a huge attendance. It may be one of my favorites.  It’s open to members and non-members and it’s relatively cheap, and the atmosphere is pretty hot.  There are rules in place to make people feel safe and it’s more open than most of the parties I’ve been to at the kink club.  Pretty much anything the club allows is allowed and a few things are allowed that seem unique to this party.  First, there are lots of men and lots of men masturbating.  This is not allowed at most parties.  I loved that!  It’s funny how comfortable it made me feel to have men undressed and touching themselves, watching people play.  They were just somehow… more vulnerable or not at all predatory in this way.  They were just appreciators and that was less intimidating.  I really liked it.  It made me very comfortable to be naked and to play around them with them in various stages of undress and/or masturbating.  It appealed to my exhibitionist and voyeur streaks.

Sometimes the men were invited to take part of the festivities or scenes but party-goers didn’t have to have any interaction at all if they didn’t want it.  People playing could wear arm bands that indicated if they wanted to be approached or asked and it seemed people didn’t ask much without the arm band.  There were all kinds of people.. kinky and vanilla, straight and gay and queer young and old and just.. everything.  This too was very comfortable.  There were all kinds of bodies and orientations and such.

ImageIt was pretty damn hot.   There were places in back to play and be watched or interacted with as people chose and places in the midst of the crowd on the main floor to put on a show.  There were chairs to watch different areas and room to mill about and see what struck your fancy.  There was gay and straight porn and plenty of supplies to be safe and contain messes if you made any.

Boss and I said greetings to various people and then sat off to the side for a bit.  We wandered the back room and the main floor and took in the sights and settled into conversation in our corner.  At one point I laughed that we were talking about such everyday stuff while a couple writhed naked 5 feet from us and there were people watching and fucking and masturbating and spanking all around us.  We went in back again after a bit and watched a lovely girl in bliss with a few men just touching her and Boss and I went around to the other side.  He asked if I’d like to get up into the swing.  Clothed, I did.

Continue reading

All The Little Things That Make Me Happy

After he leaves, I don’t change the sheets.  I like sleeping in a place that smells like him. 

I like running my Sunday errands thinking about dinner and football tonight with Traveler and his wife, getting a chance to chill with them at the end of a good weekend and getting to watch some football.

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I am eager and nervous for tonight.  I have a date with Boss at the club, at a play party I’ve been meaning to hit.  I’m nervous because I don’t know what to expect.  I’ve never been to this party and I’ve never been to a party with a date.  I’ve never played at the club.  I’ve wanted to.  Are we going to play?  What should I expect?  It makes me happy to think eagerly of possibilities and to not have specific expectations.  It makes me happy to think of chemistry and exploring and fun.  I’m turned on and scared and I kind of like the combination.  I know I don’t really have anything to fear.  I have some control here.  I have some say.  But I like and fear the unknown. 

I feel so encouraged by my loves.  Both of them were supportive about tonight.  When I told Cleveland and Traveler that I was meeting Boss and that we’d be meeting at the club and that it might be a play date (read kinky sex), and that I kind of hoped it was, they were both encouraging.  They kissed me or hugged me and told me to have fun and to be safe.  I waited for a shoe to drop that didn’t.  I would happily have had more conversation or been supportive if there’d been a need for reassurance or support, but there didn’t seem to be even a healthy need for that yet.  I probed a little, trying to encourage them to talk if they wanted to.  I could feel a tiny something in them that they both swore wasn’t there.  I think they naturally had a tiny pinch that they handled internally.  I think they didn’t want to make a thing out of something that they easily managed and I think they were actually okay.  They are very clear that I love them.  I think they know how important they are to me.  That made me feel good.  I like thinking that the groundwork is there for us in all of our talks and kisses and attention and love, that they had little fear.  It would have been and will be okay if they have little things here and there and we talk about it.  But it was nice that nobody melted down.

I am buoyed by Friday’s wonderful date with Cleveland.  It was a stressful week and it took me a little bit to de-stress.  It was wonderful to have time.  We helped Peaches pick up some things at the naughty shop and played Cards Against Humanity with our friends.  It was hilarious and we had the best time.  We had talks and snuggles and pets and amazing sex.  We slept and woke together.  We made plans for our next date and marveled as we always do by getting time together.  Love may be boundless but time and attention are not and I was grateful as ever for it.

I feel content after Saturday’s date with Traveler.  We wanted to do a little something different but weren’t really wanting to get gussied up and frankly we both really LIKE our little routine, so we just ate dinner somewhere different.  Interestingly we talked about our agreements.  Somehow we never explicitly did that and me being me, I liked getting it in words and layed out.  We pretty much have one agreement.  We like to be informed, and will continue to inform each other.  We’re good at it.  We talked about football and World of Warcraft and silly little things.  We had sex that left us both reeling and panting and fell asleep curled together.  He might let us interview him.  He’s thinking about it.

I am so eager to interview both Peaches and then Traveler’s Wife.  They have both agreed to talk to us for the podcast.  So cool!

I’m excited I’ll get to see Traveler’s Wife a lot this week.  We planned a girl’s night and we have Thanksgiving.  I can’t wait to dish with her.  We said we’d let Traveler come to dinner with us but I think we’ll get some girl time too afterward.  I feel so honored and loved to be included in their holiday.  I know a lot of people in my situation will be spending the day alone and have no access to their loved ones, and I’m grateful for such generosity.

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And I can’t stop thinking non-stop about Roller Derby.  I joined a beginner’s league and went Saturday to get kitted up with all the things I need to play.  I feel like a kid with new school clothes.  I love my helmet and my gear.  I can’t wait to actually be any good. I just want to skate and skate and skate.  I made a huge Amazon wishlist of tights and socks and booty shorts.  

I’m just happy today and aware of my many blessings.  You ever have days like that when you just want to make gratitude lists? 

 

Confused? Yeah. I get that.

I was talking to Peaches about casual sex relationships, and she said she doesn’t like “feeling like the temp that never gets hired”.  Isn’t that a great metaphor?  It’s fun to have casual fun but a real bummer when all you meet is casual when you crave a little more.  I had to get her permission to use the quote.  It’s a good one, no?

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Bosch- Garden of Earthly Delights

To be fair, neither one of us is remotely in that situation for real, but it does suck to feel that way and I know what she means.  We’re both in loving relationships with Traveler (and me with Cleveland) and she’s had her share of interest and just a couple of males who didn’t have the right interest for what she was seeking at the time.

I tried to explain how I want a very specific kind of casual when I want casual.  Continue reading