Leapfrogging Karma

Looking at the cover of the New York Post, I have to say I can’t help but kinda nod.

anniston new york times

You know, I honestly hope I’m wrong, but I feel for my ex husband and the woman he is hastily marrying before he deploys. Jesus. For a third time?

He married his first wife in similar fashion, and cheated on her with her best friend and neighbor, who was married to his friend. They had a years long affair where they did everything but have sex.. love letters, kissing, promises, late night talks… all of it. Then he fucked her, left his wife for that woman, who also left her husband. Sadly the terrible friend cheated on and left my ex before they could have their own hasty wedding. And about a week later he met me. We fell madly in love pretty rapidly too, but waited 2 years to have our own hastily done wedding. I found out about 6 months in about his infidelity on his first wife, and how recent it had been to us meeting too. He was legally separated but not yet divorced when we got together.  And I just kinda forgave it and thought we’d worked it out.

Funny that karma should be such a bitch.   Continue reading

He's Getting Remarried

Okay.. so.. I had the 5 year anniversary of my father passing, which was the same day as my old wedding anniversary to my now ex-husband.  If you are just joining this or don’t know the history, my ex and I were together for 13 years, married 11 of it and monogamous about 11 of it. We opened up and became poly, and he left me for his girlfriend that I had also been dating until he was too jealous of her and I to continue. He told me he couldn’t be poly, and then that he could, and again that he couldn’t. He began dating our old dog walker in secret while we were separated but talking about working it out.  We have been apart about 3 years now and are divorced.

third marriage

I did pretty well this anniversary and thought mostly of my father. I miss him, but it was somehow sweet this year to think of him, and not the aching pain of other times in my grief over him. It was good.

I messaged him and learned that he’d proposed to the dog walker and they were engaged. (He and the girl he left me for broke up in October of the year we separated and after we’d decided to divorce, and he’s monogamous with the dog walker since then).

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Lust and Marriage

flyer for Lust and Marriage by Dance Naked Productions

flyer for Lust and Marriage by Dance Naked Productions

I went to a play last night in Seattle, at the Theatre off of Jackson.  It was called “Lust and Marriage”.  If you can, you must run to this play.  It was phenominal!  It is showing there tonight, and tomorrow and then Thursday, Friday and Saturday of next weekend too.  It is put on by Dance Naked Productions, by Eleanor O’Brien.  June 14th is the last day.

Eleanor, I hope I can call her that after she kinda bared her sex and love and relationship soul out there, put on an amazing performance.  I laughed sooo much, and I cried too a little.  It was the story of lust, desire, sex, relationships, dating, hope, heartache, jealousy, acceptance, commitment, open relationships, polyamory, freedom and love.  And it was fucking RIVETING.

It was 90 minutes long with no break and it felt like 20.  It felt like she was telling my story.  It felt like she was telling everyone’s story.  There’s this magic that happens when someone is being so real that it just sparks on the real in others.  Our heart knows when something came from the heart.  So it was like that, so close to the bone.  It was hard to watch in parts because of this.  I knew and related to some really hard things.  But it was good too.  It was sort of wonderful to feel all of that gamut of stuff about love and sex and connection.  I laughed so much and only had that one spot to cry in, and while painful, that was good too.  She spun this kinda spell that good performances spin, and I was utterly enthralled.  So much to think about.

I say this with brutal honesty… if you are near Seattle at all, you need to run to this show.

The Sum Total

I went to my house yesterday to pick up some more things, and Hubby came home before I was finished.  It was all made clear.  He said he isn’t doing well, and that he doesn’t see any hope.  He would like our split to be permanent.  Honestly, I would too.  I don’t see how we could fight back from this.  We started the preliminary talks.  I get to the dividing in a second.

Right this moment, I’m shocked.  I don’t know why I’m shocked, because it’s what I’ve been thinking.  We separated and he hasn’t wanted to really talk since.  In his defense, I haven’t really either.  It’s been nice not dealing with someone’s constant hate.  The stuff he says is so patently false and strange.  I have hopes we can come to an agreement about our stuff, but I think it’s going to be a challenge because already I can see unreasonableness on his part.

Now about the stuff.  I need to total it all up.

We have a house here local and it’s at the about even or slightly below point.  It also has a nice big mortgage.  He can afford it and I cannot, so I’m willing to walk away.  He’ll make a pretty penny in a couple of years, but he’ll have to cover the mortgage with his big old salary to do so, so that seems fair.  Because he has this big old salary he also gets our dogs and a cat.  I’ll take the other cat.  (I can only have one).  The pets are additional financial burdens, but again, he can afford them and I can’t.  Makes sense if he’s taking the house that he should take most of the pets.  (This is by far the hardest part to divide) Continue reading

This is in response to Karen at the Corruption’s post.

Generally a post about the temporary nature of things makes me sad, but this one didn’t.  I like the idea of acknowledging and celebrating the temporary nature of things, people, relationships.. all of it.
When my father died last year I thought about this alot as we went through his things.  An entire lifetime boiled down to me, my cousin and my uncle sorting through boxes and planning a bonfire wake.  I took the most precious things with me on the plane and mailed a few too, but I couldn’t help but think about who would go through my boxes of stuff and sort through my life, and how little some of the treasures I brought back with me would mean.


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