The NSPP

It’s come to my attention that there was some discussion about me writing about the NSPP.  The NSPP is a rather large poly social group in Seattle with something like a thousand members.  Not all of the members are poly, and not all of the members are great, but there are oodles of trully awesome poly people that attend events or are members of the group.

A long time ago.. about 3 years ago actually… I joined the group and wrote about it in a few blogs.  I got permission from the admins at the time to write about it if I didn’t mention where specific events were or who was in it or any of that.  Awesome.  I totally respect that.

At the time I wrote the blogs I had the unfortunate experience of meeting two jerks in a row that were very involved in the NSPP at the time.  Both jerks were very pushy and both (oddly enough) tried to pressure me to not only have sex with them, but bareback sex without condoms.  They both said that this was okay and me balking at it was crazy because everyone in the NSPP is safe and “everybody knows you don’t need condoms with Nipees”. That’s total bullshit of course.  Nobody is tested or asked anything about their health or sexual practices or STI status to join a poly group. Things were looser then too and lots of people joined that weren’t really vetted in any way.  Later NSPP made lists of rules and bylaws and such and expected that anyone who joined is vouched for by someone.  I knew those guys were idiots then and I know it now and they didn’t then and don’t now speak in any way for the NSPP.

To be honest I stayed away from dating anyone who was super involved with NSPP for a while in part because of the bad taste those guys left in my mouth and in part because of the entangled nature of some poly people who were in the NSPP.  I don’t like to date someone who is dating my friends or lovers.  I just don’t like to do it.  I get along wonderfully with my metamours, or partners partners, but I don’t like to be so super enmeshed. I’m not fucking my metamour and I’m in love with her, as my family and my friend, but it’s a good thing we aren’t having sex.  It’s just so damn complicated.  LOTS of people like that kinda thing, but I don’t. It’s just me. And lots of NSPP attendees feel like enmeshing is great, and lots of them think like me that it isn’t.

Later I became good friends with several people from NSPP and dated a few people here and there that belonged and I’ve learned how many wonderful intelligent fantastic people attend events and on some occasions I go to a thing here or there.  It’s a great social group. I still don’t really treat it like a dating pool and go to most poly events to make friends.  It’s just a style of socializing that I enjoy.  Yay.

So.. revisiting talking about the NSPP, here are some thoughts.

  1. NSPP stands for Nerdy Seattle Poly Posse.  It’s a social group with lots of events.
  2. Like any group of people, especially any large group of people, there are people that are nice and mean and people that are tall and short and funny and dull.  Some NSPP people over the years have violated people’s consent, and some have worked hard to educate themselves and others about consent.  A long time ago I didn’t like the way they did certain parties because it was risky, and there were problems, but they’ve worked very hard to learn and to fix them. However… you should NEVER assume that all the people in any group on Earth are good and safe and trustworthy.
  3. Some people in the NSPP are poly, probably most. But there are people who joined under false pretenses because they thought it’d be a great place to find easy sex.  Some joined for friends who are and are not poly. Some joined for lovers. Some joined because they really like wearing ball gowns with poly or nonpoly people.  Some never have relationships and aren’t open to relationships with anyone or anyone but their spouse really, and some people just look at poly mistakenly as a way to spice up their lives. Some NSPP people aren’t even nerdy.  Don’t assume you know anyone’s motives in any group.
  4. I’ve never read anything that said I can’t disclose what it is or talk about it and I had permission to write about the NSPP from the admins.  I’m a member and I attend events but I do not sponsor people to join and do not disclose the names or locations of any NSPP events or members.  When I get questions I generally send people to the poly community since they have to be in the poly community to meet people and join, if they’re interested.
  5. If you would like to know more about any poly group in Seattle, or polyamory I always recommend blogs (ahem), books, websites, and polyamory meetup groups from meetup.com.  Seattle has two of them, the Seattle Polyamory Meetup Group and the Seattle Poly Professional Group, both located on meetup.com.  I also recommend in some areas to attend kink munches or check in with your local kink clubs as often they know where the poly people are.
  6. To find people to date that are poly I recommend online dating sites, especially OK Cupid.  Yes it takes time to meet people and to find your people, but that’s always true of relationships.
  7. No. Not all polyamorous people fuck tons of people. Just like monogamy, in polyamory people have all kinds of dating styles. Some like group sex and some do not. Some like romance and some don’t. Some like fucking clowns and some like fucking nobody because they are asexual.  People are heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, pansexual, gender queer, gender fluid, cis-gender, love bananas and prefer mangos and every other thing.
  8. How do you ask out poly people? Like you ask out people, because we are in fact people.
  9. How do you join the NSPP or find events? Join the poly community and live your life in the greater Seattle area and we’ll find you.  Don’t live in Seattle? Join your community.  Don’t have a great social group in your area? Start one.
  10. I don’t know. 10 sounded better than 9.

So.. there you have it.  Here is a little more about the NSPP and a little clarity hopefully.

Take a Leap

There are reports out now that Gonorrhea is on the rise in Washington (and everywhere else).  It’s up 40% here, health officials at the Washington Dept of Heath report.

Eek.

A woman in a full body black rubber suit

A woman in a full body black rubber suit

Gonorrhea is the second most common STI in Washington, after Chlamydia.  The hardest hit demographic is young adults.  The rise is attributed to not using condoms and using them improperly, and the prevalence of unprotected oral sex.

So.. am I gonna stop having sex?  Uh. No.

There are two big errors of thinking that occur with something like this statistic.  One is that we all want to think that the bad things only happen to other people. “I’m 33 and that doesn’t apply to me” and “I was tested last year and so was my partner and we are good”, “I only sleep with educated white people” or “I’m in the NSPP and we are all poly and all safe”.  This is all NONSENSE.

Another main error is the thinking that we are immune because we take this or that safety measure.  “I use condoms with new partners” or “I ask people if they are tested” or “I go on a few dates with someone before anything happens and we always have ‘the chat'”.  This is also NONSENSE.  These are good things to do but they don’t equal immunity.  If you have sex you are taking a risk.

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NSPP- Nerdy Seattle Poly Posse

10838343-steampunk-star-wars-fans-at-sci-fi-conventionFirst.. I am not a representative for or spokesperson of any kind for NSPP.  I am posting this as a service because I get oodles of emails from people looking for the elusive NSPP. 

NSPP is a Facebook group of approximately 700 people as of this writing.  It is based in Seattle and is primarily a social/activity group.  They host oodles of events and members can post events too if they would like.  And there is a LOT of misinformation out there, judging from my emails.  I  have to admit I had some bad conceptions too, and I’m a member and have been to events.  So I wanted to post this.. just as myself, to help readers.  I am in no way official for NSPP.  Everything in my blog is my opinion.  And here is mine about NSPP.

First, how do people get in or find it?

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I have a crush

My boyfriend and I were sending each other sweet sexy pics when he dumped me flat for a phone call.  I texted an appreciative response and a pic and he just stopped responding.  Radio silence. Some time later he popped back up and said “sorry I was on the phone with _______”.  Harumph.  That kinda smarted.  He didn’t mean it that way and to be honest I do kinda get it, and it’s not a hill I want to die on.  It doesn’t feel good to be dumped like fucking bologna but I’m gonna chalk it up to bad timing and a slight insensitivity and let it go.  I’m gonna tell you about my crush instead.

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Oh my god I have a crush.  I think I’ve had something like 3 crushes in my entire life, so it took me a while to realize it.  I have a crush!

There is this girl who belongs to the NSPP (a poly group I am finally a member of and adore) and I find myself drooling on her in the virtual world.  She seems so witty and funny and pretty and sexy and just.. awesome.  She’s WAY out of my league, sadly, but damn do I enjoy crushing on her.  She’s vivacious and she sends out these occasional sexy snap chats, and comments now and then on the NSPP board.  I get a little thrill each time I see I have a snap from her.  I thought she was just foxy when I saw her snaps, but she was so beautiful I had to check her out.  I went and looked at the public version of her Facebook and OKCupid profile.  Ahem.  She was even more amazing. 

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She’s an intelligent and accomplished woman.  She seems like a genuine and interesting person.  She says cool things about relationships and sex and love.  She says a lot of other cool things.  We’re actually a pretty good match.  Sadly she also seems like a very very popular person who is overwhelmed with dating prospects.  Drats.  Of course she is.  She’s a phenomenon!  She’s a science geek.  She’s crazy hot.  She likes to play roll playing games.  She has cool hobbies.  She has dizzyingly delicious curves.  She has long thick hair and a beaming smile.  She talks a lot about joy and laughter and smiling in her profile.  She seems so cool I’d desperately want to know her even if she weren’t smoking hot.  I may giggle uncontrollably or be struck dumb if I ever see her at an event.  It was slow at first..  “Oh, would you look at that sexy snap.  Wow.  That girl is stunning”.  It’s quickly becoming “I think I’ll just read her profile one more time and compare our answers to the dating questions again.  Maybe we would hit it off if we ever met.  Maybe I’d really get that lucky.  You never know.  Julia Roberts married Lyle Lovett.  Stranger things have happened.  Maybe she’d like a short ‘little too curvy’ girl”.  I’m smart and I have cool interests too.  Okay.. so I’m not really in this girl’s league.  Maybe I can hope for a really cool heart or a strangely reciprocal appreciation.   

ImageMaybe I’ll send her a message. 

Gulp.  I can’t.  What would I say?

I’m chicken.

I’ll just give her a bunch of stars on OKC.  Maybe that will make her smile.

It’s kinda fun to have a crush. 

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