Tis the Season to Break Up

In the last few days I’ve kinda broken things off with Boss, talked to a dear friend going through a divorce and another with a long anticipated relationship that didn’t grow legs, and another who is parting from his very long-term wife.  It’s going around.  Talking to my first friend going through a divorce, and there in the thick of the most painful bits, I wished I could show her my memories and my mind like something from Harry Potter.  I so feel for where she is at.  I’m just getting out of it myself.  It still looms large in my rear view.  And it sucks, but it does get better.  I have been mourning but also mostly happy this past year.  I realized, I’m doing quite well.

In a bunch of these break up talks, the idea of all the relationships you mourn in a single break-up came up.  There’s the relationship you actually had, the one you dreamed of, the one that now will never be, and the one that really was and could have been.  There is reality, and making the best of it, and hope and dreams and history.  I agreed that it had made me crazy too.  I thought about all those years of sacrifice and sea duty and deployments and long work hours and missed birthdays and holidays and Christmases and whatever that I’d done that for “someday”, a someday that would now never be.  There wasn’t going to be a time when we’d live how we’d dreamed.  We weren’t going to build that big garage and workshop and we weren’t going to build custom motorcycles together or see the Willoughby parades from the end of our street where we lived in our cute little bungalow.  Silver haired “us” is gone.  Poof.

tattooed coupleSo much loss in a break-up.  Even a pretty small one like Boss and me.  I spent most of yesterday missing him and wanting to talk to him.  I left that up to him, as to how and when and if we’d talk.  I miss chatting here and there all day with him.  It leaves a hole.  But it seems relationship change, like so many things, is inevitable.

I wonder about this desire to have more permanent bonds and how rare they are and how unhappy it makes us to want them so much.  I think about unlikeliness that most of us will get these forever bonds.  Most of us, if we are lucky, have at least a few romantic lives.  I’m certainly not alone out here making my life anew.  LOTS of us break-up and start over and build our new lives.  It is weird that we don’t talk about this as being the way it generally IS.  We talk about trying for forever and that some of us will face loss, but the truth is that MOST of us face loss.  People grow and change and form connections and shit happens.  In fact, shit usually happens.  And then there we are feeling like we’re the only ones, like we failed.  The majority of marriages end in divorce and most relationships don’t last till death.  A lot has been said about this maybe not being the best standard to judge a relationship too.  If both people are alive at the end of a relationship, and they separate to find better ways that work for them, if they shared a time and were happy and grew, is that relationship really a failure?

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A Little Game of Catch-Up Maybe?

I havne’t posted for a few days and I wanted to just do a quick catch-up maybe on The Murder (our little poly family).  


Let’s start with… Peaches.  Peaches and her beau are doing well, and have been having sexy fun times now for about 4 months.  They aren’t rushing anything or working to label much, but they “like where they are and where they are going”, and it shows.  It’s fun to watch them interact.  It’s nice when two people so clearly like each other and have that kind of chemistry.  Peaches and Traveler are also doing really well.  They had a series of talks and some growth and have made some changes and found a new equilibrium that seems to work well for both of them.  I’m rather relieved.  I like to see them both happy and on the same page.   Continue reading

Podcast 11- Peach's Inquisition

We’re doing a little multi-part podcast where we interrogate the members of our little Murder (aka polycule… aka people we are dating and they are dating).  First up is Peaches, boldly submitting to our questions and here for your listening pleasure.  She talks all about the murder, dating poly and mono, how she came to this, and how she does this.  It’s Peaches!

Listen to it HERE.

interrogation5(yes.  click the little aqua word that says “here” to link to it.)

(it’s free)

(yes it will play on your computer or phone automatically)


This has been a pretty good week so far. I had the best time with my little murder at Hump and at Green Porno, with Isabella Rossalini. I love extra time with Traveler and getting to see Cleveland a little extra with his wife too. I just find one day a week with Traveler really doesn’t cut it, so I’m glad we’ve had a dinner or a football game here and there, or a busy little Saturday afternoon, and even some snuggle dates that were SOOOOO satisfying. It’s a GIGANTIC bonus that I love my little murder (group of my loves and their loves). I was genuinely excited to see Cleveland’s wife too. She is so damn witty and fun to be around. Everyone kept saying afterward that Cleveland’s wife is the shit and all I could say was “I KNOW, RIGHT?!?!“. I ended the evening between Peaches and Traveler’s Wife and snuggled and pet so contentedly.



Then tonight I had a date with the guy from the tasting.. from a few weeks back. I was really looking forward to it. It’s funny because I went in with no expectations and had a really nice time. The conversation flowed pretty naturally, much as it had eons ago when we first met online and again when we re-met at the club. He keeps telling me he’s not that nice a guy, but I find him pretty likable, but then I like direct. Boss, as he shall henceforth be known, is about 10 years my senior and in a very long term triad (relationship of 3 people). He’s the top that I had the mouthwatering chemistry with at the tasting and the same one I met and talked with a couple of weeks prior when he was working the club and the same one I actually met only online about a year ago.



I was really looking forward to this date and then was a little worried I’d have to cancel. My stomach has been upset all day and all last night (unrelated), but I was able to marshal and had a very nice time. I was going to be damned if I cancelled. It was hard as fuck for us to get our shit in a sock and get together. We met for drinks at the new lounge place I discovered with Peaches. He was cute, wearing a nice burgundy shirt that looked good on him. It was surprisingly non-sexual getting to know you stuff and really cool. If it’s to be an FWB, then I can see we’d actually be friends. I like that.

It’s kinda nice when stuff is just so nice and smooth. Good conversation. Dinner. Some touches here and there and a nice little good night kiss. Pretty damn cool. It sounds like we’ll go out again. 🙂

And to finish out this week, I have a date with Cleveland and with Traveler. Good good times.

The Dating Pool Needs to be Bigger

Recently the same guy hit on Roller Girl, Me AND Great Date.


The Garden of Earthly Delights. Bosch.

(Roller Girl, Great Date and I all live in very different areas and are pretty diverse.  That and Great Date is straight.  For those not following the names, Roller Girl is my Hubby’s Girlfriend and my one-time Girlfriend.  Great Date is my boyfriend.)

Then, tonight, the wife of my boyfriend Traveler, rated the before-mentioned Roller Girl on OK Cupid with 5 stars.  (It’s a way of flirting on that site.)  How weird is that?  So, my ex-girlfriend, who is my husband’s girlfriend was able to say “my boyfriend’s wife’s boyfriend’s wife hit on me”!  True story.  That just happened.

The dating pool needs to be a lot bigger.