Pleading

It’s strangely hard sometimes to find a good lover.  The emphasis here is on *good*.

I’ve had a little string on failed to launch associations and some incredible luck that made it not sting very much.

Traveler and I are still playing with our friend Yarn Hooker, and we had a little State of the Union the other night that left me very very grateful.  We’ve all been playing a while now and had what I would call amazing fun sexy times.  But I like her and I had this worry come up.  It makes me crazy when married poly guys want to date me and say they are poly but have these primary structures making anything like an actual relationship pretty hard.  I like casual sex and play friends and I like dating and being open to love.  What I don’t like is people wanting all the benefits of being a boyfriend with none of the commitment.  I won’t get on that soap box right now, but suffice it to say I’m about sick to fucking death of it.

So, then.. am I being an asshole with Yarn Hooker?  She’s a smart, beautiful, sexy, talented woman.  I like her.  Traveler likes her.  She seems to like us.  Things are going swimmingly.  But.. but.. are they?  I started to wonder.  So I asked. Continue reading

Dating isn't for Sissies..

As Quinky Girl and I begin to date anew, and as I read posts on the board for people dating on OKC, I find again that dating isn’t for sissies.

from onlinedatingmagazine.com

from onlinedatingmagazine.com

Guys talk about sending out messages by the boat-full and hearing silence.  Women are beaten by messages demanding things, insulting, cat-fishing, and basically just yelling “LOOK AT MY DICK!  LET ME PUT IT PLACES!!!”

Everyone is asking, “Does it really have to be this hard?”.  I see that time and again in the craigslist postings and the Adult Friend Finder profiles and the OKC profiles and messages.  Women make laundry lists of rules trying to weed out the obnoxious shit we get and men sound a little panicked that nobody seems to want to engage them, much less ride them.

Then you meet someone interesting.

Continue reading

Unlocked! We Took a Turn

Sweet Metamour… please skip this.  *smootch*

I am thrilled at a recent wonderful evening.  I’m thrilled because it was.. well.. really sexy and fun. I’m thrilled because I planned a scene and then went with the flow and ended up having an amazing time.  And I’m thrilled because it turns out…. I really like dominating.  crop

Oh there!  I knew I was a little teeny bit switchy when it came to kink.  I am sexually aggressive and good at taking charge, and I like it, but I hadn’t played much at dominating.  I’ve done oodles of sensation play and played with impact and such with Traveler, but I’ve never been really too dominant with him or any man really.  I’ve taken my pleasure, but this was the first time I dominated a man and the first time I dominated two people at once.  In kinky domination play, for the most part, I am really drawn to being submissive.  I like to please my partners more than just about anything sexually.  I love to feel wanted, sexy, and fulfilling.  I want you to smack my ass and pull my hair because it turns you on to do so.  Most of my fantasies are about ME being the slut, me being the one to submit.  I want to be used sometimes.  I like to feel slutty.  I like a little pain.  Mostly I like passion.

So this is a little new.

This is a lovely lovely turn. Continue reading

I won at Bawdy Storytelling!

Traveler and I went to Bawdy Storytelling in Seattle for the 1 year anniversary event. It. Fucking. Rocked.

I met some really fun sexy people, laughed my head off, got a little disgusted, cheered, titillated to crazy good sexy tunes by Garlic Man and CHIKN (https://facebook.com/GarlicManandChikn). It’s the 3rd or 4th time I’ve been and I have loved it to pieces each and every time.

Dixie de la Tour started it about 9 years ago in San Fransisco, and brought it here to Seattle. Thank you, Dixie! I got to meet her tonight before the event and have to admit I was a little star struck. She’s a force of nature.

And get this… I won a HUGE prize!!!

I won a gift bag chock full of the ever fantastic Lelo toys, AND a night at Inn Thrall, Seattle’s only kinky B&B! I screamed and danced I’d wanted it so badly. My trusty Lelo vibrator finally stopped charging a few months ago and I bought a new vibrator that I like okay, but I’ve missed my Lelo. It’s powerful and sleek and well designed and QUIET. What? I like to stealthurbate. Don’t judge me.

So… An evening of kinky fun with Traveler? Yes please. A Lelo pleasure object? Yes please! A Lelo sensual suede whip. Yes. Lelo silky restraints. A Lelo insignia vibe. Gulp. Yes. Lube! Lubricant! Oh dear God Halleluiah!!

There are a lot of exclamation points.
This deserves them.
Squee.

IMG_5904.JPG

A Tizzy

My beautiful metamour, please skip this one.  Thank you!

sex 1

I am in a tizzy.  Maybe it’s the sweltering heat.  Maybe it’s all the naughty adventure talk.  Maybe it’s imagining what I’d like to order Yarn Hooker to do.  Maybe it’s reliving recent fun adventures or not having had a taste of the man I just started dating recently.  Maybe it is what is happening between Traveler and I.  Maybe it is our plans together or the plans I’m pursuing alone.  I don’t know.  It’s delicious.

I feel like I am in heat.  I cross my legs at work to feel them press against my pussy.  When I am walking and my rings rub I find the lick delicious.  I am on fire.  We’ve been exhausted and had little time together for weeks until this last weekend and still it is hotter.  This rabbit hole!

I’m planning an adventure…two actually.  One adventure Traveler and I are undertaking together.  One I am undertaking myself.  I have a long held fantasy and I am going for it.  I have to admit I worried about it, worried about hurting this thing with Traveler and I.  It keeps going deeper.  It keeps getting hotter and I have more here than any woman has a right to… right here.  Last night while he worked his magic I felt high with desire.  He played me like a viola.  I was panting.  I could not get my panties off fast enough to let his fingers inside. I could not stop the stream of sex and desire pouring out of my mouth.  I whispered.  I sang.  I breathed “I want you”.

We had spent the night sharing kinky desires and making plans.  We shared fantasies about Yarn Hooker and talk about the fantasy I’m pursuing.  I’d been scared to talk about it too much… scared to trust him saying that he wanted me to pursue it.  I’m so used to men saying they love my sluttiness and turning cold.

I remember my ex husband fucking me from behind in the hotel in Maui, knowing everyone standing right outside the door was listening and could hear, could see our outline, fucking me so hard we were both screaming with passion and then asking if he could cum in my mouth, telling me he wanted to fuck my face and loving it, he cried out while I swallowed every drop, he eagerly talked for days about how amazing it was to finally date a woman who he could be his every passion with.  And I remember the way his voice was cold shortly after our wedding when one night I asked him to cum on my face.  How quickly it all turns.

But it isn’t here.  If anything Traveler is wanting me MORE.  He doesn’t share this kink.  He doesn’t want to go there with me, but he wants me to go there and loves me for being authentically myself.  I think he might love me more for the sincerity here.  More and more and more I feel his want and his need and I’m comforted.  He sees ME.  He knows ME.  And he LOVES ME.

He doesn’t want me because I’m fulfilling a kinky desire for the slutty girl.  (Although I sure do like a slut lover).  He doesn’t want me just today because I am the porn image and he’ll reject me when he loves me, for being too much.  He wants me because he wants me, I think very much like I want him.  He wants to hold me and kiss me and love me and fuck me and be with me.  I can’t tell you what that does to me!

Last night I told him on my way home that I needed him naked.  He laughed and said I’d just had him.  We had fucked so quietly, after a long hot day, exhausted, but needing, trying to avoid the houseguest hearing and I’d come so hard trying not to make a sound that we could hear the splashing.  I’d controlled my breath and my ragged sounds and it had only made it more intense.  When he’d held his breath and bucked beneath me while he came thrashing with the pressure he’d held in, I felt him cum and I’d come again once more, soaking us both and making an audible rhythmic splash.   But I needed him again.

I needed him because I always need him.  I can’t imagine not needing him.  But I needed him too because I have been on a tizzy of desire.  I am overflowing.

We fucked hard last night after hours of teasing talk, urgent and with abandon, saying slutty slutty things, and I’d lost it when he said what he wanted me to do, and even then – right after we finished I could not stop coming and I’d played with my pussy when we’d stopped fucking, coming again all over him. It was amazing to look into each other’s faces then, unable to break a spell.

And wouldn’t you know it.  I’m still in a tizzy.

Again.

Again.

What it is to be loved and wanted and heard.. and still.. loved and wanted.

Take a Leap

There are reports out now that Gonorrhea is on the rise in Washington (and everywhere else).  It’s up 40% here, health officials at the Washington Dept of Heath report.

Eek.

A woman in a full body black rubber suit

A woman in a full body black rubber suit

Gonorrhea is the second most common STI in Washington, after Chlamydia.  The hardest hit demographic is young adults.  The rise is attributed to not using condoms and using them improperly, and the prevalence of unprotected oral sex.

So.. am I gonna stop having sex?  Uh. No.

There are two big errors of thinking that occur with something like this statistic.  One is that we all want to think that the bad things only happen to other people. “I’m 33 and that doesn’t apply to me” and “I was tested last year and so was my partner and we are good”, “I only sleep with educated white people” or “I’m in the NSPP and we are all poly and all safe”.  This is all NONSENSE.

Another main error is the thinking that we are immune because we take this or that safety measure.  “I use condoms with new partners” or “I ask people if they are tested” or “I go on a few dates with someone before anything happens and we always have ‘the chat'”.  This is also NONSENSE.  These are good things to do but they don’t equal immunity.  If you have sex you are taking a risk.

Continue reading

I Don't Know

There are so many things that I don’t know.  I know I had an insanely hot loving close intimate fun weekend.  There were trips to the sex shop for more gear, delicious breakfast casseroles and cookouts, leather cuffs, so much snuggling, petting, great talks about everything, beautiful nights, insanely hot times with just Traveler and I, and then Traveler and I and our new friend Yarn Hooker, and with a new guy I haven’t named yet.  There was wine tasting and homemade pie, games with friends, old friends playing putt putt and laughing over pizza, and a lazy morning just like we like.  There was something in the air this weekend!  I will be enjoying memories of this weekend for some time to come.

tarot cardsAnd my friend sent me messages yesterday, expressing joy at his partner finding a great new prospect and a tiny bit of trepidation.  What if she likes him better?  What if she only needs the new man?  What if he makes her forget my friend?  He went online to read blogs and found some, all ending with divorce.  Not very encouraging.

I told him honestly that sometimes this life is bitter hard. Relationships USUALLY end before death.  This is true in monogamy and in polyamory and in every other kind of ‘amory too.  How many people do you know that are blissfully coupled with the only person they’ve ever loved and they’ve been together and close and happy for life?  Chances are if you are lucky you can name maybe 5 couples.  That’s 5 couples out of the hundreds or thousands of couples you have known.  It’s not like monogamous relationships are paragons of stability either.  But with the fluid nature of open relationship networks, things do have more opportunity for change, and that really points out the unstable nature of romantic relationships. Continue reading