Thinking

Thinking Thinking Thinking.  

I’ve spent the better part of a week thinking.  

I’m thinking about what I want and what I don’t and what’s acceptable and sustainable and fulfilling.  And you know.. I’m not sure what to do.  As for Traveler, I’m going to talk to him.  With a lot of reflection and a lot of time in rumination I get where he was coming from and I just need to talk to him.  I need him to know how I feel.  I think I have a legitimate reason to be upset, but I also know that this isn’t a habit or pattern.  He treats me very very very well.  He loves me in words and actions and he is kind and considerate and loving.  He made a decision that hurt me.  He didn’t intend to hurt me and I know it.  But I do have to tell him.  I need to know how he sees some stuff and so I’ll ask him.  I kept thinking and thinking.. wondering what I was going to ask of him and then I realized I don’t need to ask him for anything but a talk so I can say my peace.  When he comes home from his man trip I will talk to him and we’ll move on and hopefully be better for it.  It doesn’t have to be more than that.

As for more general things.. all my thinking has given me a few realizations and left me with some questions.  That’s okay.  That happens sometimes.  We pause occasionally and take stock.  We make choices and refine things over time.  We have experiences and are tempered by them.  It’s just a little time of growth for me.  That’s good too, even if it isn’t always the most fun thing.  It’s like my tag line says.. It’s as wonderful and complicated as it sounds some times.  I’m unplugging now and watching dumb TV in my jammies.  I’m tired.