What I Want

I’m enjoying it here at my work training in Virginia.. and it’s a good thing and I am meeting nice people at the training.  Having said all that.. I’m tired, and off and my digestive system is upset and I am sore.  I want my bed, and my people.  I want a nice glass of wine.  I want a hug.  

I talked to Cleveland tonight and played a tiny bit of WoW with Traveler.  My sweet loves told me really warmly how they loved me and gave me a little bit of their time.  So needed.

There is a serial killer here, and when I asked Traveler if the killer burned me too, (as he has 2 people this week) would Traveler come get some of my ashes and put them in a body of water.. (my wish for my remains). He promised he would and called me a pet name, humoring me.  

Cleveland might not be gone the entire weekend I get back too.. god I miss him.

I need a hug.  I need a kiss.  I need mushy sweet words.. just a few.  I’m gonna go try to fall asleep.  

Send me some hugs.  Please.  😦

Vacation… ahhhh.

Traveler and I are enjoying the Okanagan Valley pretty damn well indeed.  Isn’t it fun how time spools out in a vacation?  It’s never as long as it seemed it would be and it’s so lovely whiling away the hours relaxing and talking and eating and drinking good things, taking time and making time and just being.  deck kaleden

We found a vacation rental that is private, lovely, and perfectly suited.  It’s a carriage house overlooking a lake.  We are enjoying the grill and deck immensely.  It’s in a town called Kaleden, on the Skaha lake in Okanagan Valley British Columbia.  And it’s heavenly.  The mountains all around reflect the sun on the green rolling hills and vineyards leading down to the center lake, and everywhere are tiny little wineries and little mom and pop places.  I think I’m a little more into some of our wines than he is though.  But then, he knows a thing or two about wine.  I just like the yummy ones.

A picture in the Cascade Mountains, showing the shockingly green water

A picture in the Cascade Mountains, showing the shockingly green water

We woke up and had a leisurely breakfast of brioche french toast and pineapple and lazed about a good bit.  Traveler’s work unfortunately is intruding with something that shouldn’t be a crisis but leaves him no choice.. being annoying without really being actually urgent, but what are you going to do?  So tonight he’s snuggled into one loveseat and I’m in the other, he to work on work and me to blog.  He’ll need to spend a few hours tomorrow on it too, which is a slight bummer, but at least it’s not worse.  I’ll be glad when he’s done.  It’s been weighing on him and it’ll be nice when he can relax and have it behind him.

The time is drizzling from my fingers and going too fast.  Even this moment I’m trying to remember to take note.  I’m looking at him a little here and there, loving the shared time of separate togetherness.  It’s a thing I miss sometimes in polyamory, where time is so precious that it’s rare to have this “nothing” time together.  It’s precious stuff.. this evening computer time and laundry and errands and planning and doing the little business of life.  I’ve been enjoying more of it lately with Traveler and even some here and there with Quinky Girl, and I have to tell you, I’m a fan.

A delicious Okanagan wine, Haywire Syrah

A delicious Okanagan wine, Haywire Syrah

I love that this is a real vacation, a trip long enough to have touring and fun and delicious passionate sex and hours of snuggles and naps, and dishes and grilling and watching a family of deer and trying again and again to video chat with Quinky Girl on her trip back east and just.. everything.  I don’t think I could ever stop wanting to hold him and pet him and kiss him.  I love listening to him talk about this work thing, hearing some of his philosophy on the ridiculous practice of evaluations.  I love our fits-and-starts game of Axis and Allies.  I love the delicious meals we are making together and his hands on my hips as I cut broccoli or him reading things off the net to me while I’m sautéing.  I like taking my time and washing every inch of him in the shower, exchanging smiles and wet kisses.  I am so content sitting here together.  Vacation.  Ahhhh.


Cascade Mountains

Cascade Mountains

Today I am off with Traveler to British Columbia.  We’re driving about 6.5 hours and traveling through the Cascade Mountain Range.  We’ll pass through some of the most gorgeous roadsides in our country, judging from Google Images.  I can’t wait.  Is it weird I’m so looking forward to so many hours in the car with my love?

I love road trip time.  I love talking about everything and nothing and sharing music and silences and the little squeeze you give each other on the knee, or that affectionate eye contact.  I just love it.  I have to admit my favorite part though is the talk.

Whenever anyone asks me what superpower I wish I had I always answer “The Ability to Read Minds at Will”.  Well, that or teleportation.  If I could I would vulcan mind-meld people. I am endlessly fascinated by the depth and breadth and variety of human existence and view and thought.  I wish I knew everything people think when I wanted to know it.  I am constantly asking “What are you thinking?”.  It makes people crazy.  I think that’s why I was so drawn to mental health.  I love knowing what makes people tick.  I like knowing what matters to you and how you feel about things and what you would like and how you plan and how your mind works.  People being honest about anything is almost never boring.  Humans are fascinating and surprise me all the time.

okanagan valley

And road trips and long walks and talking way into the night are some of the few ways to have a teeny bit of that vulcan mind meld.  A few hours into a road trip people get honest.  You can ask them things and they’ll pause and answer when normally back home they just say “I don’t know”.  Some of my fondest times with friends and lovers were like this, just talking about nothing and everything on the road.

Well, we’re about to hit it, so I better go get the cold stuff outta the fridge and into the cooler.  I’ll be blogging here and there, and I’m always checking my stats and comments (it’s an obsession) because… well.. I just told you why.  I like knowing what you think.  If I could, I’d read your mind.

cascades 2

I'm so excited!!!!!!

ImageI want to gush.  I am so excited.  I’m so excited.  Traveler and I just booked our trip’s lodgings and it’s a go.  I’m dancing with joy.  We are staying in a realllllllly cool carriage house in Canada’s wine country in the Thompson Okanagan Valley, British Columbia.  It is right by a bunch of wineries in walking distance and it has a nice kitchen and a big private deck and a grill overlooking the water of a beautiful lake.  Traveler and I can tour the beautiful area.. hitting wineries and maybe even a hot spring and then come back to our cute little carriage house to grill a yummy dinner and share some of the wine from our spoils.  I’m picturing a sky full of stars and all of our yummy grilled goodness.  We’re hoping for some quiet nights to play games and relax and pet and just chill and days to leisurely explore.

ImageThen, we’re stopping in Vancouver on our way back and staying at this totally wonderful hotel.  It’s all new and fancy and has all these cool features like chocolate on your bed turn downs and bathrobes and slippers and bicycles and umbrellas and electronic tablets you can use for free.  There’s a rain shower and the place has no bottles so they give you these glass things to use that you can fill with filtered water.  Fancy, no?  It’s not that expensive too.. any of it.  It’s pretty fairly priced I think.

But with all that amazing amazing exciting-ness… the part I am super jazzed about and over the moon about is time.. glorious precious amazing wonderful real time with Traveler.  Can you imagine?!?!?  4 nights and 5 days.  A road trip.  Adventures.  Meals.  Snuggles.  Sleeps.  Kisses.  Time.  Time for games and lusty experiments and just.. TIME!!!  I’m so excited.  Thanks for letting me gush a little.  I’m just so excited.  😀


Cat hoping on his back legs with his hands clasped found at:  http://lisabttc.files.wordpress.com/2012/08/cat.jpg

Cat hoping on his back legs with his hands clasped found at: http://lisabttc.files.wordpress.com/2012/08/cat.jpg

I said something tonight at trivia that got me thinking a little.  I said I didn’t want to hope too much when it looked like we won or it wouldn’t happen.  My friend asked if I really believed my thought could change the outcome and I said I didn’t.. not really.  See, intellectually I don’t believe my mind can control things.  But it is an old old habit.  I catch myself wanting something, excited and I try not to want it too much.  I shut it down.  I have this old tape that says if you really want it it won’t happen.  And I realized I do this all the time.  I actually tell myself “don’t get too excited or you’ll mess it up”.  It’s so funny the things we tell ourselves, isn’t it?

Having said all that, I’m really getting excited for my trip with Traveler.  I can’t fucking believe it.  We’re planning a big road trip to British Columbia for.. get this.. 4 nights and 5 days.  It’s like a real vacation!  It is a real vacation!  I need to kill leave and I think he does too and what a great way to do so.  I spent a while before my date with Cleveland tonight and after looking at lodging and getting stoked at the idea of grilling with Traveler, and getting to drive with him a good long while, and going to wineries, and maybe hitting a hot spring.. and just.. whatever.  We could play axis and allies or stay in bed until 1.  We could do anything.  I’m almost giddy.  He seemed excited too, planning it with me last night.  (Don’t want it too much).  🙂

It felt like a while since I’d seen him and I guess it was a while since we’d had much time.  My last date with him was a week before and we’d met right before our weekends away for a quick bite.  It was a precious few hours after work and before we fell asleep, but it felt like a lot to reconnect and have fun planning our vacation.  We were both yawning a lot with our bellies full of tuna pasta and we blissed out on touch.  It was so nice to reconnect in all our little ways and to fall asleep sated and warm and happy.  I love our little mundane weeknights too.  It’s funny how long it feels now when I don’t see him for a week.  Time with my beautiful men has me spinning like the hills are alive with the sound of music.


Back to Life…

ImagePh.D is home again and it was a good visit having him here.  Today it’s back to work, back to life and back to reality.

It’s wonderful to have people you’re crazy about visit and wonderful in ways to have the visit end.  I told him I’d like to lift his life up and move it closer, because it’d be so cool to have my friend closer and see him more, and so nice to have my space.  I like having my time and apartment back.  I miss my men so fucking much.  I saw them both a bit, and I had lovely lovely time with the murder as a whole, which was so nice, but I have to admit I’m really looking forward to just a normal date with Traveler tonight.

I have a bunch of blogs to finish and get out, but I just wanted to kinda celebrate a really nice visit really quickly, and a really nice return to reality.  I miss the little alone times with my sweeties.  I miss our routines.  Traveler was out of town and then I had guests, so I miss everything about our times.  I can’t wait to talk, just us, and to curl up with him.  I can’t wait to sleep with him and smell him and snuggle him.  I can’t wait to play WoW and I can’t wait to get him naked.  I can’t wait to fuck him.  It’s been like.. 11 days since our last real date together.  Can’t.  Fucking.  Wait.

It’s funny.. I’m so eager to have sex with him and lay tangled like we do, but I’m most eager just to have our normal quiet night.  I just want to be able to touch him a lot.  I think I ache most to talk to him, just him and I, and to pet his warm soft skin.  I’ve been dreaming of sleeping with my warm sweet man for days and of kissing him freely.  Yay for great times with really great friends as house guests and yay for the return to life and reality.  😀


Every once in a while as I leave work, I get the distinct feeling that I’m escaping. Today the sun is out and it’s raining. Kinda perfect actually.

Things have been really busy lately, but good. I am not so eagerly bidding Traveler and Quinky Girl an adieu as they head on a trip to see family.

I am finally seeing a movie I really wanted to see and was asking Traveler to go to. He kept saying yes and then things just kept making it not happen. I jokingly asked him if he was afraid to be seen with me in public. :-). It’s that movie “Her”. It’s at the Sundance theater and I’m hitting it with Boss. We’re both a little broke so we’re going elsewhere first for happy hour cheap vittles.

Tomorrow I am doing nothing and I’m kinda excited about it. I keep saying I’ll paint more on this latest piece, and I think I’ll make my favorite salad and do that. I’m the kind of person who loves and craves being around people, but then I need days here and there to just be by myself. A lot of people seem to need either lots of social interaction to recharge their batteries or time alone to recharge their batteries. I seem to need both.

Having said all that though, I miss Traveler and Quinky Girl already. I’m glad that Peaches is watching the cats, and has asked me to fill in one of the days. It will be nice to be around their fur babies and their space. I will TRY not to do anything too horrible. Muahahahaha.